Page 52 of Honeysuckle
It was useless. In the eyes of Josh Logan, I couldn’t do a damn thing right.
TUCKER
Ithadbeenafucking week.
Josh had been sleeping across from me every night—and he hadn’t said a word.
Arlo had managed to get him out into the garage to work on his car. They’d switched a few parts out and thrifted a few more. The car would run, for now, but not for long. Josh had taken our deal seriously, slipping into cooking dinner with surprising ease. We actually ate better than usual; it was a surprise that someone who’d grown up eating canned pasta and boxed soup knew how to cook better than half the guys in the house.
But that was just my privilege showing again. We didn’t know how to cook because we never did it for ourselves until Lorraine had taught us how…
Logan knew how to cook out of survival.
It only made me feel more guilty for the shit I’d said to him.
And the fact that, no matter what he set on the dinner table every night, it all made my stomach churn with disgust. There wasn’t room to eat when stress was consuming me whole. Josh took offence every single time; it was written all over his face.
The preseason game was today–the first of a very long, rough season if Josh decided that what I’d done last weekend was completely unforgivable. I snuck out of bed in the dark and changed into a clean sweater, pulling it over my shoulders as I left the room, quietly shutting the door behind me.
I wandered into the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe—Ella and Arlo were already there. Arlo’s arms were wrapped around her with his head on her shoulder, whispering something as she tried to make a pot of coffee.
“Don’t you want someone to celebrate with when we win—or go home to when we lose?”
I could hear Cael in the back of my head, clawing around in my thoughts and reminding me at every turn that I deserved better, but I didn't know how to take it or earn it without blowing up my life.
“Tucker,” Arlo’s voice grumbled, and my eyes focused back on the kitchen. “It’s early. You look like you're sleepwalking.”
“I’m awake,” I said, stepping forward and sliding onto a stool. “Just wound up about today, I guess,” I offered, because it was that, but it was also a mixture of things I could and couldn’t control.
“It’s just Philly,” he said. “Worst team in the league. You could beat them with your eyes closed.” Ella nodded her agreement as she started the coffee machine.
“We can’t beat them without you,” I argued.
“That’s nonsense, and you don’t have to stroke his ego anymore; he’s not your captain.” Ella kissed Arlo’s cheek when he scowled. "You proved how good you are over the last three weeks. Even Coach said you came back a different team. Cael’s shoulder is loose, the guys are excited to play…”
“Logan is ready to pitch,” Arlo added. “We made sure of it.”
It wasn’t the team or the game I was worried about. The look on Ella’s face told me she knew that but Arlo, that grouchy oblivious asshole, remained blissfully unaware. The only blessing of the evening would be that my parents would be absent. They were on a trip visiting Anna, and it meant that I could find my groove without them looming over my shoulder.
It gave me a chance to breathe the stadium air without choking on my mother’s judgment.
Arlo tapped the counter with a finger, his eyes roaming quickly over the two of us before straightening out. "I'm going to go for my run.”
He leaned over and kissed Ella, his big hands squeezing her cheeks tightly before he took off through the back door. Ella turned back to me and narrowed her eyes.
“Now that the brick wall’s gone—what’s really going on?”
I shook my head and laughed gently. "You’re more observant than Riona, and it’s annoying. I hope you know that.”
“I do. She and I have had conversations about it.” Ella smiled at me. “Now spill,” she insisted.
“It’s Logan,” I said quietly. "He’s messing with my head.”
“He seems to be getting along with the guys; he’s been cooking dinner with Todd and Jensen all week without issues,” she pointed out.
"Jensen could make anyone get along," I mumbled, "it's that insufferable charm."
"But you’re withholding information.” Ella said, and ignored my whining.
