Page 77 of The Queens and the Kings
“I am assuming so, but she didn’t confirm.”
Henrik met Britt’s curious gaze. He turned, lifted a hand. The back of his knuckles caressed her cheek, sending fire that roared all the way to her toes. He rarely touched her in a way that wasn’t justified by safety, or need.
So raw those eyes, staring at her with a blackened, scarred heart.
“I can’t give you what you deserve, Britt.”
Whispering, she asked, “What do I deserve?”
“Stability. Love. Time. Safety. I’m a soldat. You deserve better.”
She immediately replied, “That’s up to me, not you.”
“I have no say at all?”
The poignant question felt like an arrow through her heart. “What are you trying to say, Henrik?”
“I’m a soldat. A man of war. No matter how much I want away from this life, it follows me. With it comes danger, and I won’t put you in danger. I won’t.”
“Again,” she said slowly, “that isn’t your decision to make.”
His nostrils flared as he drew in a steady breath.
“I think it is.”
Britt captured his hand in hers, squeezing his fingers. “I’m not a fool, Henrik. I care about you, and it’s only getting worse.”
Color rose to his cheeks. He chuckled. She giggled softly with him, holding his cool fingertips even tighter.
“This is real for me.”
He met her gaze again. “It’s real for me too, Britt, but it’s not about reality.”
“It’s about safety.”
Relief filled his eyes. “Yes. You understand.”
She retorted with a smile. “Good! I’m safest when I’m with you, aren’t I? All the more reason for us to be together!”
Too solemn, he asked, “Is that what you want?”
Her heart slammed in her throat. “Yes! Do you?”
Blinking, he whispered, “I think so,” very slowly. He growled, “But the logic isn’t the same. Yes, I willalwaysprotect you, but that doesn’t mean you’re safe with me.” His eyes dropped to her breastbone. He put a gentle fist on top, over her thudding heart. “This, Britt. I don’t know enough aboutthis.”
She leaned closer, foreheads pressed.
“What you know is enough for me, Henrik.”
He closed his eyes, breathed deeply. His hands came to her arms, holding them tight. The nearness entranced her. She was spellbound, flying. So close to his lips she could almost taste the emotions at the back of her throat.
“I want it to be the same, Britt, but I don’t know. Something is pulling me back to Stenberg. I need to fix it first. I need to close that out completely—make it so I don’t have to think about it again—in order to belong to you. I’ll never be free while His Glory wreaks havoc on the island.”
Honorable to a fault. Henrik did everything right, but gave himself no credit for it. How well she understood that drive, that need to close the fearful loops. The same impetus pressed her to save Malcolm and Tesserdress.
She breathed, “I understand.”
“There’s no guarantee that I’ll come back from any fight. However, and whenever, I face His Glory, it isn’t going to be easy.”
