Page 69 of Clean Sweep
“Let me down!” I squeaked.
“Hey, Ma!” Max cried out the window. “Look, he made it safe just like I said he would!”
Nicholas set me back on my feet, but I held him a little bit longer. His hazel eyes danced as he pulled away, a loose backpack on his shoulders stuffed to the brim.
Like his mother, Nicholas reeked of pragmatism, which is why he’d left a quarter of his wardrobe at home. When he traveled back, he didn’t have to pack.
He was a brilliant child, in many respects.
“How was the flight?” I asked, gesturing to the car, which idled under a sign and the watchful eye of an airport attendant that kept giving me dirty looks for lingering in the loading zone. Nicholas headed to it with me as he pulled his backpack off, letting it drop to his hand.
“Not bad. Slept through most of it, then watched a zombie movie.”
“Ideal.”
He laughed. “Perfect Christmas ambience.”
Max unfolded himself from the front seat, where he’d ridden after I picked him up at Ethan’s house. The two of them met in a crushing man hug while they banged each other’s backs. Nicholas held Max out at arms length.
“Looking good, bro.”
Like Nicholas had room to talk. Working in logging the high mountains all summer and into the fall had brawned up his arms and shoulders. He was my quietest—but most intelligent—child. He lacked the innate competitiveness of Max, and the intensity of planning from Landon.
Blake was a more even-keeled mixture of all his brothers. Max never surprised me anymore. Nicholas always did.
Max clapped an arm on Nicholas. “Same!” he cried. “All that time in the forest was good to you, Nick.”
Blake materialized out of the back seat. Nicholas exclaimed over him, wrapped him in a hug, and ground his knuckles into the top of Blake’s head. Blake fought him off and the two friendly-grappled for a moment before Nicholas backed off, laughing.
“Mom!” Max glanced to me. “I’m starving and Landon says you have a new boyfriend. Let’s get in the car, start the wheels toward grub, and hear what the hell he means by that.”
My heart seized in my chest.
I had awhat?
My head snapped to Blake, who stared at me with wide eyes. He shook his head back and forth.
“I didn’t say anything!” he cried.
Forced to play it cool, I rolled my eyes and strolled to the drivers side.
“Get in,” I said over my shoulder with intentional exasperation. “My life isn’t as exciting as you’re probably hoping.”
My heart beat hard all the same. Christmas had erased my ability to deny that anything existed between Tanner and I. Yet, I wasn’t ready to fess up to it either. Putting it into words made it all too real, and the last thing I wanted was for this to be so real that it could break.
Or so real that I could mess it up again.
When reality manifested, there was a legitimate chance that I sucked at picking men.
Maybe Ethan had been a fluke and I’d been lonely or desperate or something, but maybe not. Such a flaw would be most likely to show up in the relationshipaftermy divorce. The one where I may be lonely or desperate yet again.
Tanner and I had fallen so hard into this crush that I couldn’t bring myself to trust it just yet. Not until I knew myself and my position in the world better.
The boys would have to deal with that.
“SPILL,”Max demanded from across a table. “You gotsa a boyfriend, we hear?”
Their favorite BBQ restaurant unfolded around us with the quiet bustle of people, the chime of a cash register, and the heady smell of sauce.
