Page 45 of Clean Sweep
I didn’t, but I wasn’t about to betray that to her. “How did you meet?” I asked instead.
Dahlia set a steaming cup of tea in front of Starla and a coffee with lots of cream and a dash of sugar in front of me. The steaming drinks filled the air between us, countering the cold waves of air from the nearby window. Starla hooked a hand around the cup and pulled it closer, but made no move to drink.
A soft expression stole across her face.
“At a party, actually. Not super romantic,” she said with a laugh, “but I guess the details don’t really matter. He caught my eye from across the room and . . . the feeling that my life had just irrevocably changed came over me. I can’t describe it.”
She chuckled, still a little breathless from the memory. I doubted she knew it, but she’d put a hand on her stomach.
Could she imagine the butterflies again?
“Sounds magical,” I said.
Starla nodded, but the whimsical expression faded.
“Yes. It really was. He came over, introduced himself, and we talked until the party ended around 1:00 in the morning. He walked me home. We stayed up talking until 6:00. I was late to work because I made him breakfast, and he was late to class because he stayed to eat, and we haven’t been separated ever since.”
“Of all my boys,” I said with what I hoped was a diplomatic tone, “he’s the one I never expected to do something like this. He’s not usually impetuous and is, despite all appearances, a careful decision maker. Max? Definitely something he would do. He’s a knot head sometimes. But Landon . . .”
I trailed away, not certain what I really meant to say. Starla had sobered, her long, pale lashes blinking.
“I know,” she whispered. “It’s not like Landon at all, which is why I wanted to talk to you about it today. Miss Hill, IloveLandon. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anything in my life, even if we’ve only known each other for four weeks. I love him in a way that I never believed possible. I’m not a romantic girl. I live in a world of expectations, responsibilities, and reality. What we have is . . . special.”
Words fled at the gravity in her tone. I opened my mouth to speak, but didn’t know what to say. Part of me admired her gumption. She clearly wasn’t a weakling that hid behind my son, at least. She’d need a bit of power in that spine to deal with him all the time.
But did that mean I was willing to surrender my oldest to her?
Not yet.
“Why are you moving so fast?” I asked.
Her lips pressed together as she studied me, then quietly said, “Because it’s the right thing to do. For both of us. Yes, there is information we’re not telling you yet. But we will. I promise.
A dozen other questions flooded my mind. With them came the fear that it wasn’t my place to ask those questions anymore. Landon was twenty-three years old. The woman that he loved had come to seek me out and give me reassurance. He’d already found the most important woman in his life. That ceased to be me.
What could I possibly do or say to change it?
And should I?
Memories hovered on the edge of my mind-plunge. Ethan and I had a quick engagement, caught up in the whirl of romance and twitterpation. My mother had been uncharacteristically concerned. I’d seen it in her thin lips, her drawn eyes, her forced excitement as I extolled all of Ethan’s virtues. When the divorced had finalized, to her credit, she hadn’t breathed a word ofI told you soto me.
Because shehadn’ttold me so.
Whatever reservations my parents held, they hadn’t stated them, and I wondered if they felt caught in the same paradox as me.
Did I let Landon make this mistake on his own? Or did I warn them of my own path? Landon already knew what happened with his parents. Likely, he didn’t need reminders of the pain of divorce.
Besides, Starla and Landon weren’t Ethan and me.
Parenting, I’d always found, had been a delicate dance between what I wanted to say and what Ishouldsay. Staring at Starla made it clear that what I wanted and what I needed here wasn’t the same thing.
“Thank you, Starla.” I reached across the table to take her hand in mine. “I won’t pretend that I’m not concerned or hurt that Landon has been avoiding me, but I appreciate you coming here in person. I have concerns, yes. I’m not ready to let Landon go onto a path so similar to mine. But if he’s going to do this, I believe he has his best chance with someone like you.”
For a moment, I thought I saw a glimmer of tears in her eyes, but she blinked so quickly I couldn’t be sure. Her fingers squeezed mine.
“Thank you. Can I make one selfish ask of you?”
“Of course.”
