Page 65 of Wild Child
Although tempted to reveal all, I set that thought aside and let the lulling forest speak in the gentle sough of leaves overhead. This weird moment of revealing ourselves wasnotthe time that I'd tell her how I felt—how I'd always felt—about her. Running from druggies in the mountains after almost dying several times just didn't ring with romantic drama. At least, not the way I wanted.
Or maybe I was still just too chicken.
The crack of a stick and a muffled noise sent me to the ground. Ellie followed. I lay in the bracken, my heartbeat in my ears, for ten full seconds before the splash of something in the stream came next. A dark figure moved not far away. Before my mind registered what it was, Ellie cracked a wide smile.
"A moose."
I straightened over the brush I'd ducked behind. A lanky, hulking shape hovered in the middle of the stream. Loose lips nibbled over mossy rocks that stuck up out of the stream and collected greenery and sticks. Bone paddles at least four feet wide stretched from either side of its head, and a dark waddle dragged in the stream at its feet. I grinned and whispered, "It's been years since I've seen one."
"They certainly don't frolic, do they?"
A giggle bubbled out of her as the moose advanced one slow plod forward. His ear twitched when I laughed, but he just shook his giant head and kept searching the water. The laugh echoed in my chest until we both lay back in the sun-warmed earth, clutching our sides.
For the first time in a while, things didn't seem quite so bleak.
17
Ellie
My legs and feet moved as if numb through the forest while we walked. The break of speaking after so much being said felt like a reprieve. Whatever burden Devin had gotten off his chest now felt like it lingered on mine.
His ownership over his decision to leave stirred me up. It didn't surprise me—Devin had always been reliable and straightforward that way.
But it didaffectme.
He moved into his emotions so easily. Like they were always present and entangled and he didn't mind holding them up and saying, "Look what I found!" Meanwhile, I kept mine boxed away, locked up tight, in a place I didn't like to go. And maybe that was part of the problem.
His visceral response to the story of my roommate's boyfriend also didn't surprise me, but it did warm me. Also, it made me frustrated.Why weren't you there?I wanted to ask.You should have been.
At the back of my mind, Mama kept whispering.
Men leave.
Love dies.
You take care of yourself.
But what if they came back?I asked, and her voice pieced away into nothing.
Besides, it was one thing for Devin to hold an opinion on what weshoulddo, and another thing that he took matters into his own hands. Why couldn’t we just talk about the potential for resentment issues? Resentment built when people didn’t communicate, not just when they disappeared without explanation.
Which, consequently, meant we didn't communicate and resentment had built after all.
Men were dorks.
Then again, he’d been eighteen. On some level, he seemed frightened of something at the time. Like he’d been running away from something instead of running toward something better.
But what had he run away from?
Devin's comment about finding ourselves made me roll my eyes at first, but the idea had been slowly puzzling together the more my feet moved. Was it Devin's job to be my security guard? It had been in high school. We'd both accepted his protection as part of our relationship and that had meant so much. But would he have wanted to do that forever?
Would Iwanthim to?
No, of course not. I held my own power, and isn’t that what I found? When the security left, I created my own. What if he had found a girlfriend—what would have happened then? The idea of Devin dating another girl had never really taken root in my mind because I'd always seen him as mine. My Devin. My escape. My safety.
But his departure made it very clear that he wasn't mine.
Devin belonged to Devin.
