Page 57 of Shy Girl
“What?”
“I made a mistake.”
He rolled all the way onto his side, his shirt stretched halfway up his stomach to reveal tight muscles I wanted to run my fingers across. My fingers clenched into a fist and I forced my thoughts to slow.
Was the kiss his mistake?
“Wh-what do you mean?”
Stubble had broken out across his face, darkening his jaw in a shadow. Sleep still lingered in his eyes, which were otherwise bright. My heart beat twice as hard even though I hadn’t moved.
“I cheapened our kiss.”
The muscles in my face went slack. Before I could express any surprise, he continued.
“I didn’t mean to say that our kiss wasn’t special or mind-blowing or . . . the first time I’ve ever really been shaken up by a kiss, which is true. I just . . . you looked so stressed last night. I wanted to take the burden of talking about it off of you until we could both think about what happened without pressure. You’re already doing so much for me . . . I didn’t want to ask anymore.”
Of all the things he could have said, this wasn’t what I expected. My thoughts raced to formulate a response, but the ball of guilt that sat on my chest made it slow progress. The balances were tipped, all right, but in his favor.
When I didn’t say anything, his jaw tightened. “I . . . I chickened out.”
“Wh-what do you m-mean?” I asked quietly.
“I was going to come back and check on you right when we got back, but I didn’t. Like a coward, I stayed on my side and gave you space because I knew that I’d made you uncomfortable with what I said. I was trying to help but . . . I made it worse. It’s . . . it’s like you couldn’t get away from me fast enough last night.”
He wasn’t entirely wrong, but on one hand, he wassowrong.
“You are p-perceptive,” I managed, just to buy myself time to figure out how to explain the complicated mess this had become.
He snorted. “Obviously not so perceptive, or none of this would have happened.”
“I w-wasn’t upset w-with you.”
“Riiiight.”
“Well,” I hedged, “a little. B-b-but I ran away b-because . . .”
His eyelashes fluttered as he waited, and a lump rose in my throat. What ramifications could come from me sharing? Would anyone ever know? Hernandez could be trusted to keep the secret, of all people. Hadn’t he just proven that?
“I c-can’t t-tell you yet, but please t-trust me? It w-wasn’t you.”
He reached over and his fingers found my wrist, where the tips sat on the sensitive skin where my heart pulsed. He gripped it in a gentle hold.
“Your other reasons don’t matter. I’m sorry, Dagny. That was the best kiss I’ve ever had, and I chickened out and left you alone here because I think I’m falling for you. I think I’m feeling something I haven’t felt . . . maybe ever . . . and I don’t really know what to do next.”
My breath failed completely.
I stared at him as all the blood drained from my face. The casual atmosphere, the easily spoken words. How wasthisa real scenario? He’d told me how he felt like it was so simple. Like I hadn’t been harboring my true emotions for years. Like I hadn’t dreamed this out time and time again in every different scenario, circumstance, and outfit. He let it roll off his tongue like the truth was so . . .
. . . easy.
A thousand thoughts spiraled through my head in response to his words, but I could only find the strength to form one of them.
“Wh-why?”
He laughed and rubbed a hand over his eyes. Under his blanket, his legs tightened as he pushed them into a stretch.
“Dagny,” he chuckled through a half yawn. “You blind, amazing, completely unaware woman. If you saw in yourself what I see in you, you’d never ask me that.”
