Page 55 of Shy Girl
Texting had always been my saving grace.
Serafina:Spill.
With agonizing precision, I texted her all the details of the swim, the body surfing, and then the kiss. It seemed to take forever, and I must have sent twenty paragraph-long texts. But the precision of it helped my body calm and slow.
Dagny:Then he kissed me in. the. water.
Serafina:Shuuuuuut uuuuuup.
A thousand heart-eyed emojis and dozens of others that didn’t make any sense followed, like she just banged on the emoji keyboard. Her response, combined with finding the words without my voice, calmed my ragged breaths. The room stopped spinning. My vision came back into focus, and my chest eased off.
Serafina:What a great first kiss story. He always comes through. How are you?
Dagny:Stressed.
Serafina:Why?! He’s got the hawts for you!
Dagny:But what if nothing is different when we get back?
Serafina:What if EVERYTHING is different?
My heart gave a little flutter. Everything would be different—for me, anyway. In all the years of my quiet adoration of Hernandez, I’d never considered that we could actually be together.
That dreams could come true.
Hernandez had always been the dream. In some ways, I tucked myself into that imaginary space and stayed there because it was easier than having him . . . and then losing him.
Never had I imagined real scenarios playing out between us.
Realscenarios like what followed after the kiss.
Dagny:But then he opened his big, fat mouth.
Serafina:Uh oh.
Even texting the story helped the night feel better. My fingers gripped the phone so hard they ached, and I was grateful I didn’t have to speak. In this state, the words would never come out. Frustration tended to make everything worse.
Jayson had kissedme, then downplayed it once he had time to think it over. Maybe kissing meant something different to him and I made it too big. Perhaps it had just been a spur of the moment decision. A response to the fun.
His comment about what happened beingjust a kisshad shredded me. Before I’d even gone to the dinner, I’d been scrambling for a reason to steal back to the bungalow and gain a few moments alone to think. To not panic. To separate the fear from reality. Victoria's condescension set the dinner off on the wrong foot, and it hadn't improved as the dinner progressed.
Then I ranrightinto the biggest disaster so far.
Serafina:Idiot.
Dagny:Yeah.
Serafina:Talk to him, okay? No assumptions.
I snorted.Talkto him? Texting was almost too much. But I knew she was right.
Dagny:As soon as I get my breath and my words back.
Serafina:Get through the wedding first!
I groaned and rubbed a hand over my eyes. The wedding was tomorrow. I had no more mental ability to face a crowd full of people I didn’t know, especially not with Anthony at the head of it all. It was a miracle Jayson hadn’t hunted me down after running away—clearly something had been wrong. If he had, I’d have to explain myself or pretend I was sick or . . . something. Nothing sounded better than laying on the cool floor and letting my thoughts run amok. I had no energy for anything else.
After a promise to catch her up on everything later, I set aside the phone and stared at the ceiling. With our text conversation, I’d released the pressure of having kissed Jayson Hernandez.
