Page 48 of Shy Girl
“You good?” he asked again.
“F-fine.” I nodded, even though my face and throat burned. “Th-thanks.”
“You get used to the feeling of salt in your throat, I promise. C’mon, I’ll show you how to body surf now that you’re already soaking wet.”
I stopped to peel off my tank top, then chuck it back to shore. He glanced back, then quickly away, without saying anything. I kept a wary eye on the water as we stepped back into the deeper area, closer to the waves. Maybe I could pretend like I was scared and get his arms back around me again.
“D-don’t you have B-best Man d-duties or something?”
He shrugged. “I’d rather be out here with you.”
Part of me wanted to slap him for saying the exact right thing. For stretching my heart out to a size bigger when it was already too big for him. But the greater part of me wanted to tackle him into the water andreallygive my lungs a reason to burn. The idea of kissing the breath out of him swept me into a short fantasy that I forced myself out of.
No, I shouldn’t go there.
Couldn’t.
Wouldn’tgo there.
This vacation had an expiration date. When we returned to Pineville, would I be the same Dagny as before? Probably. Normal life and routines had a habit of sucking the fun and adventure out of life. I’d be the barista in jeans and a sloppy bun again.
And to what end?
Why didthathave to be my future?
Ever since graduating high school, I’d made myself the promise of tracking down Anthony Dunkin. It was the only promise I’d ever made myself, even though I had other focuses, like college. The promise to find the man responsible for me, even though he’d put a price tag on my worth and turned his back without another word, had kept me going. When I hadn’t battled for survival the past few years, I worked hard for that promise.
Now, I’d found him.
When I returned to Pineville, there’d be an empty loftandan empty purpose. Even the pallet furniture had been a means to save money to finally meet him, so what was there to save for now? Something. But I didn’t know what yet. Like a buoy set adrift on tempestuous waters.
This trip was about more than helping Hernandez and my slapping eyes on my biological father. This trip closed a door when I didn’t have another one to open. An ending with no new beginning.
Which made it feel a bit like a betrayal when Jayson Hernandez and his warm arms, thick shoulders, and boyish smile trapped me in sweet affection that wasn’t even fake. No one watched from the beach. No one was here to impress or frighten away. What he gave to me today was sincere. The gift I hadalwayswanted. And I felt like I couldn’t take it, because where could we go from here? If it was right back to normal life, my heart would crush in new ways it never had before.
“You want to learn how to body surf?” he asked, and reached out for my arm when another round of waves moved past us. This time, he’d taken us out farther. The water lapped round my neck, but the waves didn’t break on top of my head here. Instead, they lifted us higher and I floated in a stomach-lightening sensation that I could get used to. They broke closer to shore, so I felt safer here.
“Wh-what is b-body surfing?” I asked.
He nodded toward the waves. “Some people get small boards, smaller than surfboards, and ride these waves on their stomach. You don’t need one. You can just ride these waves in toward the shore with your body.”
“Sh-show me?”
“My pleasure.”
He winked and shook his head, clearing the water droplets that had collected at the end of his hair, which curled slightly. A second later, I thanked my instinct to have him go first as he drifted by, muscular back flashing, and attempted to ride in on a wave that deposited him underneath a curl of white foam instead. He came up sputtering and laughing, which made me giggle.
The storm over the sun cleared as I attempted to body surf for the first time and the second. Light glimmered its way from under the clouds while I sometimes surfed successfully, but mostly tried to not die. A few people appeared here and there on the beach, but no one came into the water with us. We laughed, splashed, and he saved me more than once. His touch felt like fire against the temperate water and silky sea foam.
Finally, drenched from playing, I sat on the shoreline to catch my breath. How long had passed? Hours? Water crashed around my toes and drifted past, then slipped back by. Hernandez settled at my side, breathless from laughing.
“Thanks.” His white teeth flashed for a moment with a quick smile. “It’s been awhile since I’ve just . . . had fun.”
“W-without risking your l-l-life, you m-mean?” I quipped.
He snorted and rubbed a hand through his hair to clear the water out of it. “Yeah, I guess. I mean, that’s fun, but it’s also something else. It’s intensity more than fun. Challenge, maybe?”
I made a sound in my throat. Many had been the times that I questioned his idiocy, particularly after watching glimpses of the C-tape with Bastian and his other friends. I thought climbing into a stove-sized cardboard box with a helmet on and pushing it down the stairs was the most cringe-worthy one.
