Page 37 of Shy Girl
Once again, the dream wasn't quite the same as reality.
“Th-that,” I drawled and leaned back. “I . . . I’m n-n-not entirely s-sure.”
He nodded. “Well, let me know if I can help.”
“Th-thank you.”
We sat so close that, for a moment, I thought he’d reach over and put a hand on my knee. Our proximity was close enough that it would be so easy for him to do it, but there was no reason to pretend here. At least, not for him.
Last night’s dinner with Hernandez had been easy because I finallywasn’tpretending. For the first time since my freshman year of high school, I was allowed to let my life roll out the way that I wanted it to. With Jayson’s attention riveted on me. My fingertips on top of his skin. His voice mixing with mine in quiet conversation. The bold assumption I’d had last night that he’d still want to pretend to be a couple was so unlike the normal Dagny: the scared Dagny that strove to be invisible.
But I wastiredof that Dagny.
Maybe it was the open ocean air, the freedom of not holding back around Hernandez, or just the inevitability of change, but I sensed something stirring within me. Something new, big, and wildly bold.
Or maybe it was Hernandez.
His voice cut through my haze of thoughts. “I meant to thank you for last night.”
“Th-thank me?”
“Bastian told me what happened with Victoria. What he heard of it, anyway. I’m sorry she pounced on you like that.”
Victoria came rushing back to me all too soon. In the light of day, I wanted to giggle over it. What a dramatic woman. “Ah.” I smiled to reassure him. “She d-didn’t f-frighten me.”
“I plan to talk to her today and tell her to back off.”
“D-do it for your s-sake. Not mine.”
He nodded. “Of course. But I still don’t want her bothering you. Or me, for that matter. And . . . thank you for believing me.” He frowned. “If you do, of course. Maybe Victoria has convinced you that I’m a terrible person.”
My lips pressed together in a poor effort to keep from smiling. He relaxed a little when he saw it. “She was n-not successful, I p-promise. You’re right, though. Sh-she’s good at what she d-does.”
“I wish her well, but I just want her to leave me alone,” he said simply, and it tugged at my heart. What a perfect thing to say.
A strand of hair fell into my eyes as a little breeze rustled in from outside, and blushed when I realized he was staring at me. I didn’t have a bra, makeup, or even a decent hair style in place. Jayson didn’t seem to have noticed, and if he didn’t care, I didn’t either. Finally, he seemed to come back into himself and gazed away with an adorable, embarrassed little smile, like a kid.
Part of me wanted to guide his arm back onto my shoulders, then force him to snuggle with me while the breeze lulled me into yet another warm sleep, but I held back. This wasn’t real behind closed doors, and that reminder might be the only thing that created a natural distance. That allowed me to walk away from this experience without my heart being a totalwreck on the ground behind me.
No, I needed some space if I was going to mentally prepare for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner tonight, where he’d inevitably have some sort of role. Traditional anything wasn’t really my forte, or something I was used to. Mom didn’t abide by any sort of rule book that she didn’t write, so the whole wedding thing was a new world.
“I think I’ll try that yoga class out.” I tugged a grape off the stem and popped it in my mouth. “Where is it?”
“Out on the beach.” He tilted his head in the direction the dinner had been. “Mats provided.”
I gave him a little smile, then straightened up. To stop me from throwing myself into his arms, I returned to my room and shut the door firmly behind me. Then I let out a long breath, pressed my forehead into the smooth wood of the door, and tried to talk myself out of intense infatuation. The one I was supposed to be demystifying right now.
Even though there would be no returning from that torrential landslide.
The yoga class had almost started by the time I padded my way through the foliage and onto a stretch of beach where ten or eleven people were gathered. The empty beach was so wide that I could step into position at the back and never be noticed, all while creating distance between me and Jayson.
Win, win.
Vikram lingered in the milling crowd, but I acted as if I didn’t see him. I didn’t know him well. Of the Merry Idiots, my crush extended only to Jayson for my high school career. He left after my freshman year, but still haunted the general Pineville area until he settled into work as a deputy around twenty-one. Around then, I started to work at the Diner, and he'd come in often.
Vikram had been enigmatic and funny to a fault. Charming, in some ways. He seemed to do everything with high intensity, as if he had no medium scale. He’d sort of frightened me, and when he left the high school, it had been a bit of a relief.
Today, Vikram wore a form-fitting t-shirt across lean shoulders and a pair of board shorts. He wore his hair longer and pulled away from his face, still slightly tousled. Like Jayson, I didn’t expect Vik to remember me, and I saw no flicker of recognition in his eyes when he glanced my way as I arrived. His gaze skated away, and I let out a long breath.
