Page 60 of Fighter
His words rang hollow through my mind. A dramatic shift occurred in him now as he sat back down, but this time across from me. The warm, sweet Benjamin had disappeared entirely under the landslide of this stressed-out version. He didn't look at me as he immediately stood back up, and the dark feeling inside of me continued.
“Thank you.” He oozed formality now, and I suddenly felt like the nanny. “Your response was perfect, and she talked about her clothes all morning. I'm beat from the day and I'm sure you are as well. Let's get you home while I . . . figure all this out.”
My heart crinkled inside me with a cry.No! I wanted to say.Don't put distance between us now. No walls. No fear. No self-berating.
But the words stalled in my throat, because I saw the ugly brewing in his gaze. The rage at his deceased ex-wife. The frustration. Sadie had created unnecessary obstacles for the happiness of both father and daughter, and the legacy played out now in interesting ways. I wasn't someone that could help him pull those down yet. Not until he let me in. As far as I'd come with Benjamin, and I suspected there hadn't been any others after Sadie, there was still so far to go.
“Of course,” I said instead. “Let me just grab my shoes.”
Without a word, he filed into the garage and I followed, my heart heavy as a leaden weight inside me.
19
Benjamin
That night, I stared at my ceiling with an electric current of frustration that made it impossible to sleep. Sadie haunted my thoughts, staining the entire day with the same vile spirit she brought to my life even from the grave.
My fists clenched as I thought of what Sadie said to Ava. Ava, her daughter. My thoughts spiraled.
How was I supposed to fix this?
Would Ava ever trust me?
What did I even do with this kind of a problem?
Parenting was the hardest thing I'd ever done. Ava looked to me as the one that was supposed to know everything, but she'd freak out if she realized how little I knew what I was doing.
No, I had no idea.
And I'd been a total jerk to Serafina afterward. Distant. Stiff. Didn't speak on the way back to the Frolicking Moose, where she'd given me a warm, but nervous smile, then went inside without a word. And I'd let her go, like an idiot. Because... why?
Why would I do that?
I rubbed a hand across my chest. I didn't know why I did that. Sadie had her fingers in everything, and that was my fault because I let her take over places she shouldn't be able to go, but she still did. Most of the time, I could forget just how manipulative she'd been. But moments like this made it abundantly clear.
When it came to women, just like parenting, I had no idea what I was doing.
For the tenth time, I punched my pillow, flipped onto my stomach, and hoped that sleep would come. Tomorrow was another long day of training, and I owed Serafina something. An explanation about the sudden reluctance. The fear. The way my throat closed off when I thought of Serafina, because Sadie quickly followed.
I didn't have an explanation for my sudden panic, and one didn't seem to be coming anytime soon.
20
Serafina
The phone rang empty in my ear yet again.
Annoyed, I slammed the old thing back on the Diner wall and folded my arms across my middle. Dagny sent me a questioning glance.
“My brother.” I frowned. “He's not answering.”
Dagny rolled her eyes. “G-good. D-d-don't go over there. I still haven't f-f-forgotten what he did to you, even if you have.”
I ignored that. Mom's plea yesterday slipped back through my mind, followed by an uneasy feeling that all wasn't well with Tamage. The torn part of me resurrected.He could have killed you,said one side, but the other whispered,he's your brother. If he can't rely on you, who can he rely on?
The evening with Benjamin followed those thoughts with a rush of frustration. Telling Benjamin what had happened had definitely been the right thing to do, but I couldn't help my regret that he'd immediately shoved distance between us. I wasn't Sadie.
But did he know that?
