Page 86 of Fighter
She blinked. Her lips moved several times, but no sounds came out. “It's what's best,” she finally said. She picked at something on her pant leg as a heavy silence followed. My thoughts whirled, knocked totally off balance.
What could I say now?
Did her plan negate everything I'd just concluded and decided and felt? If she would only be here a few more days, then maybe she wanted to go to . . . wherever she'd be next. Maybe she wanted out and couldn't wait to get away from Pineville. Would it be selfish of me to divulge the way I felt now?
Or worse to hold it back?
I'd certainly been guilty of making decisions on her behalf in the past, which landed us in this exact position. If I'd let her tell me what she felt, maybe she never would have given that two weeks notice.
“I wasn't going to leave,” she said and broke apart my thoughts. “At least not yet. I told you I'd give you a week and . . .” She trailed away for a second, then picked it back up. “After I got your text this morning, I realized you didn't need me anymore. I was hurt. I felt . . . pushed out of your life. Out ofAva'slife.”
Her admittance felt like a crater in my chest. Gaping. Empty. Smoking. Filled with ash and brimstone and something ugly. The irony was darkly comical, but I could barely summon the strength to even breathe. I'd sent that text to help her, to give her some space. Clearly, I had no idea what happened in Serafina's mind.
The silence must have been longer than I thought. “Please,” she whispered, her brow heavy. “Say something, Ben.”
“Didn't need you?” I croaked. “Serafina . . . I love you.”
She sucked in a sharp breath. The words rolled out of me now, pressured. Intense. Brought from the depths of the cavern inside me that she'd left behind. They'd never felt so right.
“Not just because you take care of us. But because you are light and goodness and warmth and concern and everything I've always wanted but never had. You're the other half, Sera. The only other half of our family. Not just me, but Ava too. She loves you. She fought for you. She was so angry at me today that I . . . I realized it was my turn to be a fighter too.”
Tears filled her eyes when I reached across the space and grabbed her arm. She hiccuped, like she was trying to hide a sob.
“Sera, I love you.”
“What about Sadie?” she whispered.
Sadie. My heart clenched, but I forced it to release. “I found a counselor just a few hours ago, one that can speak with me and Ava apart, and then together. Ava agreed to go. We both need it. You're right. Sadie has some power over me still, and I've let her. I've been so afraid of becoming her that I've forgotten how to trust myself. And others,” I tacked on.
My fingers slipped down her arm and wrapped around hers. She accepted them, threading hers through mine, and my heart soared with the hope it inspired. I wasn't out of the darkness yet, but one step closer.
“I came back to ask you what you wanted,” I said. “Instead of trying to save you from me, I . . . realized it was your choice. That you deserve the chance to say something. So I want to ask you what you wa—”
“You.” She nodded. “I want you and Ava and I want to stay and I want to try this out as someone that deeply cares about both of you, not as a nanny or paid employee or any of that. I want a chance, Ben.”
My heart fluttered. “Us?” I whispered. “It can't be just me. You'll never get just me.”
“Both of you,” she said quietly.
Her fingers squeezed mine.
There were things to talk about. Long discussions to have that would seal this. Expectations. Alignment. We had issues to sort through and talk about, but none of that mattered. The eagerness in her voice. The bittersweet agony in her expression.Thatwas all that mattered now.
I yanked her off the cushion and into my arms. Her warm body slammed into my chest, but before she could so much as grunt over it, I had my hands on her face. My fingers in her hair. My lips on hers. The smell of coconut filled my nostrils until I considered the fact that I might have died.
Serafina.
In my arms.
And that would never change.
30
Serafina
Benjamin's lips on mine felt like coming home.
I lay on top of him until he broke the kiss. In a move so fast I didn't comprehend what happened until it was too late, he wrapped an arm around my waist and swept me down. A breath later, I lay on my back on the couch and stared up at him. His weight was heavy on top of me, but not crushing. Breathless, I reached up to touch his face.
