Page 67 of Fighter
The slow plod of Talmage's heartbeat rang in my ears as I sat next to his gurney, my head in my hands.
Nurses quietly bustled in and out as they administered fluids and medications meant to counteract whatever drugs they suspected he'd taken in. They'd already drawn labs, saying words liketoxicologyandelectrolytesand I numbly relayed all the verbiage to my Dad over text. Mom would show up tonight after a red-eye flight into Jackson City, where the hospital awaited.
Talmage was conscious now, but his eyes were closed. Misery was etched onto his features. We hadn't spoken. There wasn't much to say. Amber hovered in my mind's eye, and I wondered what hole she'd skulked to while my brother lay dying. Had she thrown the shattered glass? Had he?
In the calm, my mind replayed through each moment again and again. Jayson's heroic actions and reassurance. The chatter of dispatch with updates. The sirens as they twirled down the road from the local volunteer fire department. I'd splattered myself against the wall to stay out of the way and prayed Talmage would wake back up. He woke up once they administered some medication all right, nearly a violent mess.
Then I rode in the ambulance with the volunteer driver and EMT all the way up the canyon, spitting out as much knowledge as I had about my brother for their paperwork. Then I said it all again in the ER.
And, in the back of my mind, I still thought of Amber.
Amber his dealer.
Amber, the woman that moonlighted in his life as a girlfriend, but only really cared about herself.
Amber who had stolen my brother.
This wasn't entirely her fault. Talmage was a grown man and made his own decisions. A hearty portion of my grief and rage pinned precisely on his responsible shoulders. If it wasn't Amber, maybe it would be someone else.
But maybe not.
If he hadn't met her, would he have started into street drugs? The question would forever remain unanswered, because Amber was a thorn in our side until Talmage let her go.
Talmage's phone, which I'd fished out of his jeans after they'd stripped him, put him into a gown, and let me into his ER space, lingered in my palm. It was a crappy old flip phone that I didn't know they even made these days. I remembered when he sent me a selfie from the new smartphone he'd bought last year, in which he glared and said via textselfies are stupidand then sent a GIF that made me laugh so hard I cried.
Had he sold it for drug money?
My heart turned back over as I looked at the text message thread between them.
Amber:come up with enough. I can bring it over but I'm not giving you more without cash
Talmage:can't sell the truck
Amber:or won't
Talmage:don't mess with me Amber. I need more right now
Amber:i'll contact my guy and be over tonight
That last message came yesterday at 4:13. Presumably, Amber had showed up at some point after that. Whatever she'd given Talmage, he'd overdosed on. Did she stay? Did she realize what happened and bail so she wouldn't get into trouble? Most likely. She and I had a reckoning that brewed in our future.
My nostrils flared with rage at Amber, at Talmage, and life in general. The man on the cot was wasting away. His house had been unkempt and filthy, like he hadn't even tried in days. It made me want to take a shower. I didn't even know him anymore, and that was something I deeply mourned. How long would this spiral last?
And where did it end?
At a morgue, probably.
My eyes felt like sandpaper as I closed them and rubbed my forehead. We'd been in the ER for almost ten hours. Another deputy lingered just outside his room, waiting for medical clearance to take him to book at the county jail.
After that, I had no idea what came next. The note on Talmage's door had been obscure, something about money owed. Bills littered his counter, unopened. Would he default on his mortgage soon?
The time crept steadily toward midnight. Weary, I rubbed my forehead. Jayson and I had found Talmage sometime around 11:45 am. Mom's flight came in at 11:15 tonight. Or was it midnight? The world felt blurry. Ava popped into my head. Was Benjamin able to find someone else to take care of her? Did he take time off of work? Most likely, she just hung out with him at work again.
The thought made me unaccountably sad. Weirdness with Benjamin aside, I missed them both tonight. I should have explained to Benjamin what happened with Talmage, but it all occured so quickly. How did I text that sort of thing anyway?Brother overdosed and might be dead. Can't come into work today.I'd called work and texted him before the ambulance even showed up. Disappointment that he hadn't followed up or checked on me came next, but I brushed that aside.
Because what were we anyway?
Ghosts. That's what it felt like. We were surging toward something, and now he seemed to have pulled back. Then again, maybe he thought the same about me and these were just miserable circumstances.
