Page 49 of Fighter
Or fulfilled in front of a phone?
I brushed those thoughts aside to cast my voice in a high-pitched tone that made Ava giggle, and the happy sound sent tremors all the way to my toes.
When she laughed, she looked the most like her father.
Oh, yes. We'd be just fine.
That evening, after an hour of dolls, a walk around the river, and a quiet dinner, Ava lay sleeping in her room. I stared at Benjamin's bed as if it would swallow me whole.
The master bedroom filled up part of the main floor just beneath Ava. As long as I kept the door cracked open, I'd be able to hear her if she called out in the night. It was a sprawling room, with a large king-sized bed, a subdued headboard, and a footstool at the end that housed extra blankets. He had a walk-in closet with clothes on only one side. Everything was almost pristine except for a little dust here and there. But why? His house was an utter disaster without me, but this room almost sterile? He probably spent little time in here, and I wondered why. The decorations were as exciting as cardboard.
I walked past his bed and into an equally heartless bathroom. Tiled floors. Massive, jetted tub. Walk-in shower with glass panes and two sprays, one from overhead and one from the wall.
Yes, please.
The room smelled slightly spicy, like aftershave and men's deodorant mixed together. I peeked through his shower caddy, amused to find a bar of what appeared to be goat's milk soap that smelled like pine trees.
Fluffy towels lined two racks, and a separate room housed the toilet. The entire master bedroom and bathroom were bigger than the loft I rented.
A bit lost, I wandered back to his bedroom and stared at the bed. The duvet was a slate gray, with navy blue sheets and fluffy pillows I suspected he didn't even use. A nightstand with little more than lip balm and a book on fighting sat next to his bed. Benjamin's life was . . . barren. Almost sterile. Like he avoided home or something.
After I forced myself to change into my pajamas and turn out the lights, I lay my head on his pillow and drew in a deep breath.
Benjamin.
Like he surrounded me.
The luxury of sleeping in his very firm bed, without him, made me giggle a little bit. He'd offered it on his way out of the house, saying he'd changed the sheets, but I hadn't thought much of it until now. There were rooms that could be guest bedrooms, but he hadn't bothered to buy the necessary furniture for it.
A good friend would sleep on the couch, but I had long since ceased thinking of myself as just a friend. Neither of us had ever said the wordnanny. Official Organizer? Mistress of the Mercedy Life? No, the moment on Sunday afternoon when I realized I wanted to be with him instead of alone at my new place, with a new world to explore, I knew this was different. That I'd given up on keeping things totally platonic.
No, I was more than that to Ben and Ava, butwhatthat was, I wasn't sure yet.
With a quick flick of the lamp next to his bed, the room fell into darkness. I stared at the ceiling, wondering what Ben thought about before he went to sleep, when my phone illuminated with a new text message.
Benjamin:Things go okay?
Serafina:Beautifully. She's such an amazing kid, Ben. How are things there? Mom okay?
Benjamin:Can I call?
Serafina:Of course.
Seconds later, my phone sang. I accepted the call and said, “Hey.”
“Hey.” His voice was soft and weary-sounding. “Thanks. I hate texting.”
I grinned even though he couldn't see it, and spiraled a piece of hair around my finger. He definitely hated texting. “I know. This is better because I like hearing your voice. So tell me what's happened today. What's going on there?”
“Mom is stable. Sometimes responsive but pretty out of it. They've already put a stent or something in. She needs hardware or . . . a pacer? I don't know. “ He paused for a moment, as if totally overwhelmed. Then someone spoke in the background. A few breaths later he returned.
“Just a sec.”
The distinct sound of rustling, doors opening, and then a ding followed.
“You still with me?” he asked.
“Always,” I said softly, and hoped he didn't hear the double meaning in the words. It sounded like he was walking now.
