Page 95 of Lovesick
Seconds later, a folder full of papers landed on my lap.
“First of all, don’t tell Lizbeth I printed this out, all right? She’ll kill me for not using the online e-signature software stuff, but whatever. I’ll get there. Those are all the signatures from the board approving your idea. We’ll figure out summer later—not to mention how much rent I’m charging you for the kitchen. It’ll be steep.”
Relief that he wasn’t still angry at me brought me out of my spiral. If I needed anyone, it was Mark. By the expression on his face, I could tell he knew that.
“Thanks, Mark.”
Mark grinned, but quickly sobered. “Secondly, I’m sorry, JJ. Sorry that I flipped out and sorry that Lizbeth is gone. I don’t know what happened, but Lizbeth left. She didn’t look good. You all right?”
I nodded. “I’m fine.”
He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. You’re pissed, just own it. I would be too.”
“Mark, I’m sorry about—”
He held up a hand. “Stop. You were an idiot and should have just told me.”
“You’re right. I should have.”
“Were you afraid I’d say no?”
I shook my head and cleared my throat. “Not that. I really didn’t know if it would work out, but I think I was still upset because you never told me about Mom and Dad.”
He stared at me in wordless question.
“The divorce?” I said. “Their struggles? I didn’t know about any of it. You and Megan both did. I’ve already talked to Mom and Dad about it. Although it wasn’t consciously intentional, I think, deep down, I just wanted to do the same thing to you.”
Mark gazed at the floor as he weighed that out, then nodded. “That’s fair.”
“What? No, it’s not. It’s stupid.”
“Not stupid. Mom told me everything, JJ. Everything. I hated it. But she needed it, so I tried to be there for her. It was stupid and didn’t cast Mom and Dad in a great light.” He clapped a hand on my shoulder. “I guess I wanted to spare you the ugly. I’m sorry. As the oldest, greatest, strongest, and most powerful person in our family, I get a little too protective. I should have told you.”
For a second, I tried to comprehend that. Dad’s bitterness toward Mom, and her reciprocation, had always driven me crazy. Bothered me more than it ever had Mark. Seeing it in that light, I realized Mark had actually done me a favor. He’d spared me pain and frustration.
“Thanks, Mark. I’m sorry. I didn’t think of it that way.”
He half-smiled. “I overreacted to your baking idea, and I apologize. We’re in this together, bro. Whatever that looks like.” Mark motioned to Justin with a nod. “You too. You’ll be frosting the cupcakes.”
Justin grinned. “Just don’t let Megan in there. She’ll do carrot or zucchini cake with coconut-sugar icing.”
Mark laughed. While they drifted into a conversation about repair work that needed to be done in the pantry before summer, I let my mind slip away. Back to Lizbeth and her frightened face. The evidence of tear tracks on her cheeks.
Her romance books all had this. Heartbreak before the dramatic grand gesture at the end. But I reminded myself again that it wasn’t real. This? Heartbreak? Confusion? Loneliness? This was the real end-product of romance. I should never have let myself forget. Not even Stacey had made me feel this devastated.
Although I couldn’t help but wonder what Lizbeth thought of those books now.
31
Lizbeth
Aweekend at home with Shane, Bethany, Maverick, and Ellie had restored my brain to something like normal, even if I couldn’t stop thinking about JJ.
All weekend I’d dreamed of Mama. Her dancing dresses. Bright lipstick. In the midst of baby time and couch snuggles, her voice whispered through my mind. I couldn’t understand the words, but recognized the desperation.
Now, I sat in downtown Pineville and impatiently waited for my monthly book club meeting to start. The haunted, half-charred shell of the Frolicking Moose lurked across the street from where I sat in Carlotta’s, the local Italian restaurant. I desperately tried to ignore the burned building. My thoughts came slowly, as if I were plucking at cotton fluff in a field. They gathered together in a loose ball, ready to be blown to the wind again at the first chance.
Then the warm, maternal arms of the Frolicking Moose Book Club surrounded me all at once. The women appeared out of nowhere and began to talk over and around each other. Relief at having them close filled me, salving my chapped soul.
