Page 90 of Lovesick
The haunted words cooled the fire in my body, turning my veins to ice. I stared at him, startled to see tears in his eyes. He blinked them back, his voice thick. “I have always loved your mother, JJ, and damn if I didn’t know how to show it. I thought I tried, but ... maybe I was just deluding myself.”
“I didn’t know you felt that way.”
“I know.” He met my gaze again. “Because I didn’t tell you. It’s not ... it’s not how I was raised. My father never spoke an emotional word in his life. Even on his deathbed, he never told me he loved me. It was always implied, just ... never spoken.”
I wanted to get outside. Dig my nails into the rocks. Feel dust crumble beneath my feet as I pushed higher, faster, and harder.Conquer the mountain before it can conquer you.It had always been our motto. But this metaphorical slope felt slippery, like I’d never get a foothold.
“I should have just told Kelly that I loved her. Let her know how I felt. Now I’m living in my own regrets, and it’s my due.” Dad leaned forward. “Whatever you do, don’t make the same mistakes as me. Clear this up with Mark, all right?”
The waitress sashayed over, burdened with plates on a too-small tray. We dug into our food for a few minutes, grateful for the reprieve.
“How is retirement?” I asked.
“Quiet.”
“Bet you love that.”
He half-grinned. “I do. The fish don’t.”
I laughed. With the air cleared between us, we kept up a steady flow of conversation. Updates on Adventura. Dad’s plans for retirement. Mark’s new spa idea. Dad had kept up with Megan and knew about her relationship with Justin.
“He seems great. Glad she has him,” Dad said as he reached for his coffee. “What about you? You ever going to settle into something?”
A few days ago, the answer would have been a firmno, same as always. But Lizbeth had rearranged the puzzle pieces of my future. Although I still hadn’t seen her since the awkward ride home yesterday, I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that her hair was as soft as I had imagined.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Hopefully soon.”
“Don’t wait.”
“I won’t,” I said, and I wouldn’t. Dad was right. I needed to talk to her. Tell her how I felt. Clear the uncertainty so we could actually move forward.
This time, I wouldn’t hesitate.
I’d talk now.
Dad raised an eyebrow at my response, took a sip of coffee, then nodded. “Look forward to meeting her.”
“Was it worth the pain, Dad? To have loved and lost?”
Dad grabbed a fry and studied it before he nodded. “Every damn minute.”
* * *
JJ:Just had a great lunch with my dad and am heading back. Missed seeing you this morning. Can we talk?
Lizbeth:Sure.
JJ:Great, I’ll be home in thirty. Need me to bring you anything?
Lizbeth:I’m set, thanks.
29
Lizbeth
With dread in my stomach, I stared at my cell phone. Although JJ’s text had been innocuous, I had a feeling something was about to change.
Can we talk?
