Page 76 of Coffee Shop Girl
“Probably.”
But I can’t pay to send you.The realization stuck in my throat. With a mind like hers, she might not need college money. She could get scholarships easily.
“What do you want to do?”
“Tech,” she said. “Something with computers, most likely. I have a lot of ideas, and I want to see more women leading in that world.”
“Not writing?” I asked with a wry jab of the oar at her foot. She snorted.
“I want toreadall the books, not write them. Besides, there isn’t as much stability in a creative endeavor like that. I want to put the work in and know I’ll get the result I expect. I want the comfort of the scientific process or the ritualism of code.”
“I think that sounds awesome.”
She grinned again, but her expression was far more subdued.
“But I still think Mav is holding a torch for you.” She flicked at something under one of her nails. She never did let a topic go easily. “You need to pay attention to it because an opportunity to act may present itself, and I hope you do. I could watch those broad shoulders all day, baby.”
“Holding a torch?” I snorted, dipping the oar back in the water. “Are you eighty-two?”
“It’s what all the books say!”
I laughed again. “Okay, Grandma Myrtle. Thank you for that. Listen, Maverick isholding a torchfor his business, not me. Maybe he feels a mild attraction to me because we’re stuck in the same working space all the time. And maybe he kisses like fireworks and gangbusters, but that means nothing about longevity. We’re having fun. Bottom line.”
“Or,” she cried, lifting a finger, “he’s secretly pining for your love and doesn’t know it.”
I pretended to vomit off the side. She leaned forward, arms wrapped around her knees.
“You kissed. I saw it.”
My gaze locked with hers. “What?”
She grinned, white teeth sparkling in the sun. “Friday morning.”
“Geez, Lizbeth! You do have romance-dar. You were there?”
“I saw the light on downstairs, and you hadn’t come to bed, so I was going to offer to help with whatever you were doing. When I peeked in, you two were hot into it.” She shrugged. “Who am I to interrupt a kiss likethat?”
I struggled to remember everything we had spoken about that day, but I only remembered talking about Mama. My jealousy of Lizbeth and Ellie.
She frowned slightly, and my heart sank. She’d heard.
“We were always jealous of you, you know,” she said quietly.
“Me?”
“We physically had Mama, but you had the rest of her. She was happy when you were there. Present. She spoke to us a lot, and we all played games and did things. But it wasn’t like that when you were gone. After you left, there were a lot of sullen silences. Canned dinners. We rarely played games unless you were there.”
My hands relaxed, and the canoe slowed. Ellie, Devin, and Maverick were specks in the distance now. We were the only people here, in a world surrounded by water.
“Really?”
Lizbeth swallowed hard. “It’s like there were two of her. Mama when Bethany was around, and Mama without Bethany. She loved us, and she never neglected us, but she was never reallytherewhen you weren’t. I think that’s why Ellie loved her so desperately. We got so little of her. Ellie scrambled for any sign of affection from Mama since Dad is so...” She trailed off with a sigh. “Mama gave me books and gave Ellie the woods.”
Stunned, I simply stared at her. What a tapestry this whole mess had become. All of it pointed back to Mama and whatever demons had pushed her to the horrible decisions that had harmed the rest of us. The flares of anger I felt toward her, however, always faded into resignation. This was Mama’s legacy.
But it didn’t have to be ours.
“Lizbeth, I had no idea. I’m sorry. I wasn’t the best big sister in the world.”
