Page 67 of Of Literature and Lattes
Lexi pulled back. “That’s not how it went down. You did that.Youcriticized every single piece. You hated that what you envisioned didn’t translate to the page. It was a simple house, and you thought you had to have an architecture degree to draw it.”
“No... I...” Alyssa cast back, but a few spotty memories confirmed rather than denied Lexi’s interpretation.
“You two look alike, but you’re different. Can’t you imagine your mom might think differently than you? Show love differently than you? I’m not saying things didn’t go wrong... I’m talking now. She’s super artistic and comfortable in that creative space. You need answers. You need that security. She’s a mom. She needs you to be well and whole. You don’t have kids. You can’t understand that. And all that doesn’t mean she’s wrong any more than it makes you right.”
“But—”
“Give it a rest, Lys. People are far more complex than the boxes we put them in.” Lexi chuckled. It was soft and low, and that made it more powerful than painful.
And so true, it didn’t require comment. Maybe she, rather than her mom, was responsible for many of the frayed threads that stretched between them. Alyssa nudged Lexi back. “When’d you get so wise?”
“Are you kidding? That’s a quality bachelor’s degree in psychology working for you.”
Alyssa laughed. “Glad I can put it to good use... My parents are remarrying, by the way.”
“Are they?” Lexi dragged the question long and made it taste like delicious gossip. “I thought that might happen.”
“You did?”
“Talk around town was they were dating again. And I never believed they’d stopped loving each other when they divorced. Remember... I was around. A lot went sideways, but your parents were the real deal. That kinda love doesn’t die.”
Alyssa looped her arms around her friend. “I owe you a thank-you, by the way, and an apology.”
“For insulting you?”
“No. Three years ago I acted badly, another instance, I know, and you stood by me. But in the midst of all that, I forgot what my mom meant to you. You reminded me at dinner the other night and I’m sorry.” Lexi opened her mouth, but Alyssa cut her off in case she was about to protest. “No, she was. You just said a mom needs her kids to be well and whole, and I know she felt that way about you, and I took that away.” Alyssa straightened and looked past Lexi to the water. “And you’re right, I’ve been blaming her for a lot that’s been wrong about me.”
“Don’t stop there.”
Alyssa shrugged. “I don’t know what else to say... Back then, I wasn’t doing anything I liked or wanted or needed; andIwasn’tanything I liked, wanted, or needed either. I blamed her, and it gave me a way out. Now I’m right back there—this time with an autoimmune disease I didn’t find with my algorithms—don’t you love that?—and a huge scandal at my feet. Blaming her doesn’t feel so easy, or right, anymore.” Alyssa twisted to face her friend. “So I’m sorry. I’m sorry I did that to you.”
Lexi leaned over and hugged her. “You are a mess.”
“Thank you.” Alyssa hugged back. “I was jealous of you too,” she whispered into Lexi’s shoulder.
“What?” Her friend pulled away.
“In high school you two were closer than I could ever get. She was so easy on you and, I thought, way too tough on me.”
“Because Iwaseasy... Sure, she wanted me to be okay, but she had no expectations for me like she did for you. She had no responsibility for my successes, no blame for my failures, nothing truly invested in my future. You had to see that.”
“When you put it that way.” Alyssa scrunched her nose. “Don’t act all wise. You didn’t see all that fifteen years ago.”
Lexi burst out laughing. “I didn’t see it. I couldn’t have articulated it. But I felt it. It just simply was.”
“Stop by and see her sometime, will you?” Alyssa’s comment stopped Lexi’s laughter. “She misses you, Lex. She asks about you.”
“I’d like that.” Lexi kept an arm around her friend. “When’s the wedding?”
Alyssa raised a questioning brow. “Tuesday, July fourteenth. They want it on their anniversary. Just a small ceremony and a lunch. No big deal. Why?”
Lexi grinned. “Because I know the perfect place to host it and I want to clear the calendar.”
Alyssa laughed. “See? You’re all excited, and I got miffed when I first heard about it. You are definitely the better daughter.”
Lexi looped her arms around Alyssa again. “Oh, don’t worry, you’re helping me.”
“I’d like that.”
