Page 44 of The Austen Escape
“I should get down there. I’m supposed to take care of her.” I pushed to stand, didn’t make it, and flopped back on the bed. “I just found out she’s been lying to me about something, something that was really important to me, and it hurts.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I feel bottomed out. That’s it. Bottomed out.” I flopped a hand toward the floor. “I’m squished down there and... How do you get up from that?” I sucked in maximum air again. “I should go. Isabel is meeting me in the Day Room and she’s my job right now. But once she’s well...” I forced myself to standing and smoothed my dress’s skirt. The hem almost met my soft kid leather boots. “I can’t do this, any of it, anymore.”
Tears started again, but this time they were slow, so slow I could feel each wind its way down my cheek. One. Two. Three.
Gertrude stood in front of me and held one hand to my cheek. “You’re going to be okay.”
“Promise?”
Gertrude nodded. I nodded. We looked like bobble heads. And although she didn’t know me, it felt as if she did, and I believed her.
I slid my phone into my pocket and we walked down the stairs in silence. With one last consoling nod, Gertrude left me outside the Day Room door. I decided not to confront Isabel. It would do no good. It could wait.
I pushed open the door, and my best intentions died at “There you are.” She leapt from the chair. “I’ve been waiting for you. Sonia had a lace right away. What have you been doing?”
“Nothing. Let’s go.” I turned and walked back down the hall and out the front door. The gravel shifted beneath my boots. I heard softer, faster crunches behind me before Isabel tugged at my arm.
“Slow down. I can’t keep up if you walk that fast.”
I stopped. My hands dropped to my sides.
Isabel kept her hand on me. I resisted the urge to shake her off. “Mary, what’s wrong? Why have you been crying?”
“I...” I pressed my palms against my eyes. I refused to cry in front of her. “Why didn’t you tell me you were dating Nathan Hillam? Last night you acted as if you didn’t remember him. You actually said you didn’t think much of him—from my description, not from meeting him. But you’ve been dating him. You gave him your number. You pursued him and you can’t tell me you didn’t. He just called. You’ve been listening to me and lying to me for over six months.”
“Who? Who is Nathan Hill—Hillsby?”
“Don’t do that.” I ground out the words, then stopped. Fear and something even more vulnerable shuddered through her.
It took a few breaths, but I calmed my voice. “Nathan Hillam. The consultant at WATT. The man you met last March. You call him TCG.” Isabel’s blank face drained my anger. I was too tired. “Don’t think about it. We’ll talk later. Let’s just walk and enjoy the day.” I started again at a slower pace.
“No.” Isabel clutched at me again. She pulled me to a stop so forcefully, I slipped on the pebbles. “I’m sorry, Mary. I’ve made you angry somehow and I’m very sorry. You must tell me.”
I tilted my head down the path. She walked with me.
“Let’s just walk,” I said. “Austen women walk. We can talk about it someday, but not now.”
We crossed from the drive to the path down to the stables and the stream.
“But if you don’t tell me, how can I make it right?”
Her words, her pleading tone, almost stopped me again. I concentrated on forward motion. “You can’t right now. I’m not so much angry as hurt. More hurt than you can possibly understand, but I’m also worried for you and that makes it all worse.”
I led us to the stables. Right or wrong, I hoped to leave her with Grant.
“Whatever I’ve done, Mary, I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”
I wiggled away. “Can we not talk about it anymore? I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Then I’ll wait.”
I felt my forward motion falter. When Isabel was in the wrong, and knew it, she asked for forgiveness, begged for it, and didn’t let up until it was granted. She badgered you until she felt better. She never waited for you to catch up.
I stared at her. “Thank you.”
Chapter 16
