Page 55 of Sway's Peace
“I was separated from my parents immediately after. I don’t know what happened to them. I was put in stasis and, I guess, shopped around for a while. No one wanted to buy an underage farasie. Our younglings aren’t very strong, so I was considered useless as a slave by most. I don’t know how long I was like that. I just know that I was dumped on Rik-Vane as useless merchandise. That’s how the Master found me.
“The Master…” Grace repeated, not even really speaking. She mouthed the words, like she was repeating something that was a foreign concept.
And maybe it was. He hoped it was.
“The Master was a scientist who was in trouble for illegal sapient experimentation. He’d escaped to Rik-Vane to continue his research there. He needed a lab assistant. Someone too weakto pose a threat to him. Someone he could train and mold. I wasn’t his first choice. Or even his only choice. I’m just the one who managed to survive.”
Grace’s face had gone worryingly pale. Sway stopped talking, giving her a concerned look over.
“Are you okay?”
“AmIokay?” She repeated, incredulous. “Sway, you… Oh, my gosh! Areyouokay? That’s terrible!”
Sway just stared at her. Unsure of how to react. That looked like pity. And that was wrong. She shouldn’t pity someone like him.
“Don’t feel sorry for me,” he said simply, voice hard. “I am not worthy of it.”
“You were trafficked and enslaved! And to Rik-Vane?! It’s no wonder you had to fight and kill to survive.” She covered her mouth quickly, eyes swimming with tears. “Garnet was right. I should have listened. I shouldn’t have judged so fast. I’m so sorry, Sway.”
“No.” He shook his head. She was getting the wrong idea. “Grace, I am trulynotworthy of your guilt. Do not waste it on me.”
“But you…”
“Yes. I was trafficked to Rik-Vane. Yes, I was bought as a slave and tortured. But I am no better than him. I willingly worked for the Master.” He let out a long breath, his head dropping. Not really with shame, he was long past being ashamed of his actions. He only dreaded telling her the truth. “He ordered me to kill, and I did. He demanded I help with his experiments, and Idid. I had a choice. I could have not done it. He needed me as anassistant or a subject, he didn’t care which. All it did was make him torment me less. I traded their lives for my comfort.”
“Sway…”
“I can say, with full honesty, that I didn’tlikeit. Doing his experiments brought me no joy, but I still did them. If anything, some considered me worse than the Master. They called me the Pacifist. It was an ironic name. Because I would do anything to keep the subjects alive, even as they begged me for death. They called it my ‘grace’, in only the most sarcastic way that can be used. That is the kind of male that I am. You will waste your pity on me, because I do not deserve it.”
She was giving him a long look now. He fully expected her to run from him again. As she should. He was not a good male. Hadn’t been for a long time.
“You’re not like that anymore,” she said. Though it wasn’t phrased as a question, he still answered it like it was one.
“I’m trying not to be. Tanin promised when he recruited me that I would never need hurt another person if I didn’t wish it. He’s kept his promise. And I am trying to become a proper farasie again. I’m a pacifist. I mess up, but I am a pacifist again. That doesn’t erase what I’ve done though. I know that.”
There. She knew the full truth now. At least, the broadest strokes of it. As much as he was willing to share with her.
And as much as Sway hated it, it felt right. She didn’t need to know the gruesome details of his life, but she knew who he was. Garnet was correct. It was best to confess this to Grace now. So she could realize she needed to leave him. So he didn’t trick her into staying with a male unworthy of her. It was the painfultruth, but it was the right choice. Sway could, at least, say his conscious was clear in regards to her, if nothing else.
The warmth of her hand covering his made him freeze.
She reached across the distance between them. She touched him so gently. Her expression was sad, but open and understanding.
“Thank you for telling me.”
He frowned. Confused. Why was she still reaching for him? Why did she look at him so tenderly?
“Did you ever find out what happened to your parents?”
That’s what she chose to focus on? Not the countless deaths by his hands?
“Er, no,” he answered hesitantly. “They’re probably dead.”
“That’s not necessarily true. You survived, right? Maybe they did too.” She gave him a smile that was still tinged with sadness. “Maybe they’re still looking for you. I know I would if I was them.”
“I’ve never tried to find them,” he admitted.
“What are their names? Do you remember?”
