Page 46 of Sway's Peace
“Yeah, that,” Garnet nodded quickly. “Now, I’m not saying that should stop you from getting a mate. That would be a lot hypocritical of me, since Tanin is no better than you.”
“He’s actually worse.”
“Yeah, he won’t give me details.”
“Nor will I. Our past does not need to touch you. Either of you.”
“That’s kind of my point right now,” she said, grimacing. She held up her hands, like she was trying to hold back the instant denial she must know would be coming as she spoke. “Look, I’m not saying she needs details. You guys have bad pasts, and you don’t need to revisit them. But if you’re going to stay with her, if you want to make this a permanent thing, she needs to know who you are.”
Sway sat back in his chair, frowning. Crest pressed tight to his skull. “I’d… rather not.”
Garnet, however, continued to look uncomfortable. “And I appreciate that. I really do. But if you want something permanent with her, she’s going to have to know eventually. Shedeserves to know you.Allof you. She doesn’t need details, but she does need the truth. Otherwise, that’s entrapment. I think.”
Sway didn’t respond immediately. He continued to frown as he stared at his displays without seeing the numbers and diagrams running across them.
The truth…
That was not something he wanted Grace to ever know about. Sway had left his old life, his old name, back on Rik-Vane. He was a new male now. Someone that wanted nothing to do with who he had been before. He had no attachment to that person, so why bring it up at all?
But Garnet was human too. She would know better than him what human females needed. If that was absolute truth from their males, then he couldn’t really argue with her. It wasn’t like Sway wanted to lie to Grace either, he just didn’t want to lose all the progress he’d made towards becoming a peaceful pacifist.
And, if he was being honest, he didn’t want the way Grace looked at him to change. He didn’t want her to be afraid of him. To hate him. Sway still wanted to be a good, noble, farasie. He was trying to live that way now as he couldn’t before. He could be that in Grace’s eyes. He could be everything he wanted with no baggage from his past.
However, the way Garnet was wearing an expression filled with caution. A silent warning that keeping secrets was, at times, no better than lying.
Sway desperately didn’t want Grace to know, didn’t want her feelings about him to change.
But Garnet and Goldie both knew the truth about the crew. They were aware of their pasts, at least in the broad strokes.They knew where they came from and the fact that they were all monsters and murderers – without even feeling shame for it.
Despite knowing that, they both still treated them like friends. Garnet even mated Tanin! It was very possible. A farasie female would never forgive Sway his past, but human females were clearly more open and accepting.
“I will tell her,” Sway finally said, his voice soft but determined.
Garnet smiled. “Thanks. You won’t regret it. Just ease into it, okay? This isn’t a bandage you have to rip off. Let her know gently in your own time.”
“Gently. Right.” That was a harsh truth to reveal, even gently.
“But don’t wait too long either. Because then she’ll think you were deliberately concealing it to trap her with you, and that will be just as bad.”
Sway’s crest, which had just been starting to relax, tightened back against his skull. Tell her gently, but quickly. That was even harder.
“Don’t overthink it,” Garnet said, smiling. “Just do whatever feels right. Follow your heart.”
“Right.” He nodded once, sitting up again. He could do that. Maybe. “Thank you for your advice, Garnet.”
“Of course!” She beamed. “The only thing I want is for my boys to all be happy. You’re honestly the least problematic of all these knuckleheads. I have faith we can get you happily settled with your girl. Then, you can get her knocked up, and my baby will have playmates!”
She patted her still flat stomach with a wicked giggle. Like she was maniacally plotting to get him mated and settled like herself and the captain.
It was… not an altogether unpleasant thought.
Younglings were a bit of a stretch. Sway wasn’t sure he deserved to have young. If he really was as defective of a farasie as he suspected, then it would probably be best not to pass on any of his genes to future generations. Besides, any young of his – hybrid or natural – would have to contend with the shame of having him as a father.
But a female? One who understood and accepted his past the way Garnet did for Tanin? Maybe he could have that. That would be good enough.
Garnet was puttering around the bridge now, her cleaning robot – Spot the bot – following her around as she picked up after Sway. He winced when he saw her doing it, reminded harshly of how his room looked when Grace arrived.
He stood, turning to help Garnet. He would change that part of himself. He could be tidy and neat. If nothing else, he could make that true. Grace deserved at least that much.
