Page 57 of Blackwarden
“Perhaps I should punish her—”
“Leave her—”
“Then tell me what is different!” she spat, her voice loud enough it echoed down the hall.
I squeezed my eyes shut. If I told her about imbuing the portraits I risked all of the maidens. When I opened my eyes, Bevgyah was waiting, her face a beautiful emotionless mask.
It didn’t matter. I’d be accepting death over another five hundred years as her consort. And there was nothing she could do to remove my shadows from the portraits tucked away at the Gatehouse. At least not until she found someone else to open the portal.
“I imbue the portraits of the maidens before I bring them here. It helps dampen their emotions and shields them from the worst of the pain when you siphon their life away.” I almost choked after I said it out loud. “I...” I took a deep breath. “I didn’t finish her portrait. I can’t imbue an unfinished portrait.” I took a deep breath, letting it out with a shudder. “She’s unprotected from your cruelty, and her emotions are entirely her own.”
Bevgyah glared at me with an unyielding fury simmering in her eyes. “So, you’ve shielded all of them?”
“Yes.”
“Since the very beginning?”
“After...Sara.” I swallowed the sound of the name on my tongue.
When the Blackwarden family had been caught helping the humans in the Fae Wars, the Hag Queen had given me a choice. I could be put to death with my brethren for treason against the Unseelie Court, or I could submit as her consort until such time as she no longer desired me. But I was a fool. I had a lover in the human world.
When she found out, the punishment was far crueler than I could have ever imagined. She cursed me with my own magic, binding my shadows so I couldn’t use them against her. She forced me to drag her human sacrifices through the portal every five years. And as one last gleeful addition to her curse, she locked away my ability to speak about any of it.
Then, as though trapping me in an endless cycle of dragging innocent girls to be slaves to her deviant desires wasn’t bad enough, Bevgyah tortured my beloved Sara before siphoning her life all at once, killing her. All while I was shackled, naked to a wall, bound by my own shadows to bear witness to what my mistakes could truly cause.
I’d vowed to myself never to let anyone into my heart again. And I’d succeeded for nearly five hundred years.
“And what kept you from finishing this girl’s portrait?”
I knew she’d come back to this. She knew the answer, but she would force me to say it. I shut my eyes a moment, letting the memory of Rosalin’s lips on mine, the whisper of her breath over my skin, clear my head.
“Because...” I swallowed hard, trying to maintain my composure as my magic gathered behind me where it would remain useless against her. Rage built in my chest and sat in my stomach like hot coals. “Because she spent the night in my bed.”
Bevgyah glared at me, and I glared back. If I was going to be punished for myindiscretion, I would make sure she felt every word of my confession like a spear through her chest.
“We made love. Slowly. Ravenously. Worshiping each other’s bodies.”
She tipped her chin up, struggling to mask the anger oozing from her and muddling with my own. She knew she couldn’t hide her emotions from me. I felt all of her jealousy, rage, and disgusting joy at knowing she could justify torturing me.
“I didn’tfuckher; I made sure every inch of her body was well and truly satisfied and then we made love again...and again. She slept curled in my arms until the sun woke us, and then we made love again.”
Bevgyah’s anger pulsed from her in rivulets that seeped into my mind, spurring my words, ripping them from me until I’d said everything I’d ever wanted to say.
“Love,Bevgyah. Something I willnevergive you. Not while I breathe. Not while I stand in the shadows. No matter how many times you try to take it from me, destroy me, tear me down, and lock me away. You will never have all of me.”
I’d dug my own grave before handing her the blade to cut out my heart.
A wicked smile cracked her flawless face. “I may not be able to take your love from you, but I can take away that which youdolove, Gatekeeper.”
I’d known this would happen. In a way I begged for it. A merciful death that would end Rosalin’s pain rather than prolong it until she died broken and used up.
Bevgyah took a step toward me, wrapping her hand around my throat and squeezing. Perhaps she’d kill me now instead. But she yanked me against her, bile rising in my throat at the touch of her skin. I clenched my jaw so tightly my teeth ached as her lips crashed into mine. I made a point not to reciprocate, my lips as immovable as the ice her crown was crafted from. My shadows spread out around me and pooled at her feet—useless and pathetic.
“We aren’t done with this matter,” she said as she turned and left me standing alone at the portal, shaking with fury, and the most profound sadness I’d felt in centuries.
Chapter 29 ~ Without Permission
Rosalin
