Page 32 of Blackwarden
“You’re not an idiot, Rosalin.” I took a deep breath trying to muster the energy to sit up but failed. “You’re the furthest thing from.”
One of her hands found the hem of my shirt and I flinched. Her fingertips tucked beneath, an impossible longing shot through meat the feel of her hands on my stomach. It made my head swim with the fear that I’d already fallen too far. That there was no pushing her away now because I had already lost my heart. By the Mother, if I wasn’t a husk of myself...
A wave of exhaustion washed over me, tugging me down into darkness.
Chapter 17 ~ Ninety-nine
Rosalin
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I watched him sleep for a long time. I honestly don’t know how long, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave. The echo of his fingers in my hair, the way he gently traced the line of my neck over and over. The way he’d called me “silly human” with such warmth. There was something so immeasurably calming about being near him. Like he was able to take pieces of my emotions and tame them. And now I knew he’d not been intentionally secretive, that he was, in fact, not physically able to answer my questions... I wanted every moment I could get with him.
At some point I tried to help him to bed, but he was deadweight and I wasn’t strong enough to lift him. Instead, I pulled a blanket from the back of one of the chairs in his sitting room and tried to make him comfortable. The clock that hung above his door struck midnight. I glared at it, realizing I’d never bothered to ask why I wasn’t supposed to be wandering around so late. Then again, maybe he wouldn’t have been able to answer me. The one time I’d taken the risk; the only consequence had been him chastising me the next day.
I gazed down at his sleeping face, his lips gently parted, long thick lashes resting against his cheeks. Mother save me, he was beautiful. I was finally learning more about him, and it only made me crave more. Like each layer revealed some new secret I never thought I’d uncover. My eyes followed the curve of his horns, reminding me he was Dark Fae. How easy it was for me to overlook my distaste for his kind when he smiled at me.
Chewing my lower lip, I wondered if he’d be alright left alone. He was immortal. He’d be okay after a night of rest. But still I hesitated. What if he woke and needed me? As I neared the door, my throat tightened with every step. I squeezed my eyes shut to still my worries. I needed to let him rest. Before I lost my nerve I slipped out, closing the door behind me, hearing a lock click into place. A shiver of fear writhed through me at the ominous sound. Perhaps it was just the Gatehouse trying to keep its ward safe.
I ran down the hall toward my own suite, trying to ignore how the braziers had dimmed, and the shadows thickened. After I’d closed my door, I stood with my back against it for a long time, looking around the sitting area, trying to see if anything was different. I wasn’t sure why I thought there might be, but I had an overwhelming feeling I wasn’t where I was supposed to be. Even though this wasexactlywhere I was supposed to be. I felt like I’d changed somehow but I couldn’t pinpoint in what way.
A brazier in my bedroom flickered to life as the one in my sitting area dimmed to a low flame. A not so subtle way for the Gatehouse to tell me it was time to get to bed.
“I get it. I’m going,” I said to the ceiling, as I crossed the room. “You’re so pushy.” The brazier flared brighter for a second before it faded again, and I couldn’t help but smirk.
I changed into my dressing gown quickly and tucked myself under the cozy comforter before pulling the canopy closed for extra security. But instead of falling fast asleep, I lay there, memories of Keres’ lips on mine, his hands holding me tight against his firm body replaying over and over again.
His words were branded on my skin.“I want you...so badly, it’s agony.”I ran a hand over my breast and down, craving his touch. He was right. It was agony to want so badly and know you couldn’t have. Something held him back. He’d pushed me away after he’d kissed me, mumbling something about not being permitted? I tried not to think about it because I knew I couldn’t ask him. But what could he have meant? He hadn’t finished the statement. Was he not permitted to be with anyone or just me? The words from the journal entry flashed through my memory.I refuse to submit a maiden to the same fate as my beloved.
I took a long slow breath, trying to calm the fire building in my core. The way his voice resonated through me before his sharp teeth sank into my flesh. I felt along my neck where he bit me and yanked my hand away.
My skin was like ice!
In a frenzied panic, I pulled myself from the bed and stood before the vanity mirror. My green eyes and messy hair glared back. What could a gorgeous Fae, who could quite literally lure any woman he wanted, see in me? I pulled the collar of my dressing gown away and found a dark mark on my neck.
It wasn’t exactly a bruise, and it didn’t look like a bite. I stared at it in the mirror for a long time, wondering if it was some kind of magical brand I hadn’t noticed since coming to the Gatehouse to identify me as one of the Hag Queen’s maidens. Perhaps Keres’ shadow magic had left it behind when he’d bitten me.
Again, I’d have to be satisfied with not knowing—not understanding why the feeling something had changed was overwhelming. Or why it felt as if some missing piece of me had finally found where it belonged.
––––––––
The morning couldn’t come fast enough. I wanted to make sure Keres was okay after I’d left him asleep on the floor of his suite. I knew that wasn’t the only reason I wanted to see him, but I’d tell myself it was. I gripped the sides of my skirt to give my handssomething to do as I avoided wandering down the hall to his suite instead of to the dining room. I stopped at the place where the main hall branched off, glaring at the other end. The brazier outside his suite was dark and I shook my head. This was silliness. He’d been delirious and likely hadn’t been fully aware of what he was saying and doing. Still, my stomach flipped thinking about the way his gentle voice wrapped around me and squeezed. I could still feel his fingers on my collarbones.
I reluctantly turned toward the dining room. I decided if he wasn’t there I’d go and find him to make sure he was okay. But I was leaving this place the following day, and I needed to get used to not thinking about him, even though right now that’s all I could seem to do. I needed to accept that it was very possible he’d not entirely meant to kiss me at all, and I’d been a convenient conduit for what were a male’s normal appetites. That I was present and agreeable when he’d needed a moment of intimacy in this cold lonely place.
I found him waiting in the dining room, hands folded in front of him, his usual stoic mask hiding his emotions. I should have expected this. It was possible with the shape he’d been in that he didn't remember what happened at all.
His eyes followed me as I crossed the dining room and sat in my usual place. I tried to ignore how he stared, like he usually did, and instead focused on my empty plate, summoning a breakfast of sweet bread and a bowl of strawberries. When I glanced over at his plate I almost fell out of my chair. He’d summoned a bowl of fruit similar to what I’d summoned my first morning. No eggs. No toast.
“Um...excuse me, Keres?”
He glanced up at me, a bite halfway to his mouth, lips parted in anticipation.
“Are you okay?”
“Pardon?” he asked.
“What are you eating?”
