Page 54 of Blackwarden
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I promised myself I’d be okay—that this was all just a nightmare, that I only needed to breathe and think of anything but Bevgyah’s hands.
She had touched me.
I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the tears not to come. Her touch made me feel dirty, burning with shame. Fear kept me frozen—fear she might kill me, or worse—as her fingers lingered on my breasts, the silk of my dress offering no protection at all. And now I was standing against the wall again, Bevgyah’s guests flooding into the harem for a second time.
She stood alone—her Blackwarden hadn’t returned from his Gatehouse yet. It was better that way. I had a feeling when he did return the queen would ask more of me than I could handle. I hugged myself, feeling entirely exposed even though I’d managed to convince Nessa to let me stay in the silk slip that covered more of my body than the other frilly gowns.
A dark hand held a glass of wine in my direction, and I flinched before glancing over. How long had he been standing beside me while I was lost in my thoughts? I wondered if the Blackwardencould feel my terror. If he had any idea the conflicting emotions raging through me at that moment. I was both elated he was here and terrified he’d returned so soon. And beyond curious if he wanted to be here anymore than I did. I took the glass, my fingers brushing over his unintentionally, sending butterflies loose in my chest.
“I left something in your room. I thought it might make you feel more...comfortable.” When I looked over at the Blackwarden, he was looking down at his feet. I wondered if he’d said anything at all, or if I’d imagined it.
He didn’t say another word, instead he looked over the harem with a stolid expression, taking tiny sips of wine. His movements were so graceful. He had to know how beautiful he was, and how hard it was to see past that beauty to the kind male that stood in silence beside me—no expectations, no questions, no small talk. Just a warm presence at my side when I needed it most. Knowing he was here now calmed my nerves enough that I thought maybe I could get through the revel without breaking down into tears.
The people in attendance were drifting toward one area of the harem, and I leaned forward to see what was going on. It was Nessa, in a beautiful blue sheer gown made of strips of fabric accentuating every gorgeous curve of her figure. She moved with the music, her hands running down the length of her body as she danced, removing a strip of gauze every few seconds as she twisted and turned. I didn’t realize at first what she was doing, but once I did, I couldn’t stop my mouth from falling open, embarrassment on her behalf igniting my cheeks.
All eyes were on her as she continued the erotic dance, stripping piece after piece of cloth, until she was left with nothing but a thin thong covering her nether region. I gripped my wine glass so tightly my knuckles turned white but was unable to look away as a blue-fleshed male with tall, twisted horns rose to dance with her. He ran an unnaturally long tongue between her breasts before pressing his face where his tongue had just traveled.
I squeezed my eyes shut. Is this what would be expected of me? I felt disgusted just watching. I took a long sip of the wine, letting the gold liquid slip down my throat and coat the inside of my stomach with a warmth that radiated into the depths of my being. The Blackwarden had said it would help make things easier, but now I wondered whatthingshe was referring to.
I glanced in his direction. He wasn’t watching Nessa, he was looking at me, his silver eyes following my movements as I took another generous gulp of wine.
Bevgyah’s words echoed in my mind.He wants you and who he wants, I want.I realized I was staring at his lips, stained gold from the wine. His striking black skin only made those lips look that much more delicious. He finally looked out over the harem likely searching for Bevgyah. He took another sip, the muscles in his neck drawing my attention as he swallowed. I needed to stop staring at him, but if I wasn’t staring at him, I was staring at the debauchery around me.
I hugged myself, hoping Bevgyah would wander off with one of her other “pets.” When I glanced toward the Blackwarden again he had slipped away, moving toward a cluster of women who were huddled tightly around someone I couldn't quite see. I took the opportunity to sneak back down the hall to my room, closing the door behind me, and wished I had some way to lock it. I leaned against it for several minutes, trying to calm my racing heart. Maybe I’d be left alone. Maybe I could escape another revel without having to put myself on display. Maybe I was a fool who needed to learn how to accept that this was my life now.
I found a book beneath my blankets. Perhaps this is what the Blackwarden had left for me? My head swam too much to look at it. Instead, I tucked it under the futon before I cocooned myself in the covers and tried to ignore the music filtering down the hall, a brassy laugh, drunken cheering, a muffled yelp. I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to leave this place, or at the very least, be left alone. Even though I couldn’t remember it, I wanted to go home.
I must have fallen asleep because I was awakened by the sound of my door being thrown open and a very drunk, very disheveled queen stumbling in. Still half asleep, I didn’t know what to do or how to act. I scrambled to extract myself from the blankets, fumbling in my rush.
“Tesanna.” Her voice was too loud, as though she didn’t realize how crass she was being.
When I managed to push myself up, I realized she was unaccompanied. She’d left her Blackwarden behind. The straps of her dress had been pulled off her shoulders, the only thing keeping it from falling down was how it clung around her breasts.
“Come with me, my precious pet,” she slurred as she grabbed my wrist and yanked me toward the hall.
The music had stopped, and as she dragged me back to the harem, I noticed most of the doors to the smaller rooms were closed. We stumbled through the gem curtain at the end together and I flinched, realizing it was only her Blackwarden who remained. He was sprawled out on one of the futons in nothing but a pair of loose-fitting pants that were pulled low on his hips showing every inch of his incredible torso. As Bevgyah led me closer I could tell he was drunk, his eyes two slits of near unconsciousness, his arms thrown over his head. He was beautiful, every muscle in his chest and abdomen flexing as he breathed.
“My Blackwarden and I require your entertainment.”
I took a sharp breath preparing to disappear into myself, my silk dress clinging to the sweat on the small of my back. I knew what she meant by entertainment.
“Oh, come now, my sweet Tesanna.” She dragged her finger up my arm to the strap of my dress before slipping it off my shoulder.
The queen held my arms pressed against my sides as she kissed over the swell of my breasts. I squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide in my little room. Bevgyah trailed her hands up the length of my body before she slipped the other strap off my shoulder. I felt exposed, even though I was still fully clothed, asher hands meandered across my stomach and down to where the dress was slit at my thigh. Her fingers disappeared beneath the fabric, and I took a sharp breath at her touch.
“Perhaps you should have some wine to help you relax.” She turned away, grabbing up a half-consumed glass of Fae wine. “Drink this.”
Something told me the last thing I wanted to do was drink the wine from that particular glass. That it wasn’t wine at all. My eyes found the Blackwarden’s. He was watching me with a terrifying need swirling in the depths of his silver eyes, his lips gently parted. I couldn’t pry my eyes from him. If I wasn’t mistaken, he shook his head, the movement almost indiscernible.
“I don’t like wine, your Majesty.”
She came closer, anger in the curve of her eyebrows as she grabbed my chin and turned me to face her. “I didn’taskif you liked it. Itoldyou to drink it.”
Before I could step away, she grabbed the hair at the nape of my neck and pressed the glass to my lips.
“Drink.”
