Page 31 of Blackwarden
“I’m out of time.We’reout of time,” he gasped, his body tightening.
“Out of time for what? What’s going on?”
“I have to finish it in two days.”
“Finish what?”
His arms fell hard against the floor, as he stared at the ceiling, dark eyes wide. I thought he’d passed out, or maybe I’d asked another question he couldn’t answer.
“I have to finish your portrait in two days.”
His entire body tensed. With horror I realized he’d probably just said something he wasn’t supposed to. The words, not just the shape of them on his lips. For an agonizing moment he was rigid, his face pinched in pain before he went limp, another line of blood running from his nose.
Chapter 16 ~ Hate Me
Keres
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Cold stone pressed into my back as I woke from a dream, disoriented and unsure of where I was. I’d dreamt Rosalin had come looking for me, that she cared enough to make sure I was okay. Perhaps, in some other reality, I hadn’t pissed her off as terribly as I’d thought when I’d failed to answer her questions the last time.
I needed to though.
I needed her to hate me. Ineededto push her away, but Iwantedto pull her into my shadows where I could keep her forever.
I dreamt I’d kissed her, hard, like my life depended on it. In a way it did, because I’d been certain about my decision before. Now I was faced with a choice. And I only had two precious days left to make it—two days left to finish her portrait, or I’d be taking her to the Unseelie Court without any protection. I swallowed my sorrow. With anyone else I wouldn’t care as much. They’d all been the same, untilher. The thought of throwing Rosalin to the Hag Queen without the shield my shadows could provide was almost more than I could bear.
Every five years I painted a portrait of the maiden delivered to me, a perfect replica within eight days before I pulled her through the gate to the Unseelie Court. Over and over again. The Hag had made the portrait part of my curse to remind me of all the humans my mistakes had destroyed. But what she didn’t know was I imbued the portraits with what little scraps of magic I could to hold back a precious piece of each maiden’s soul and replace it with a fragment of my shadows. The paintings grew old and died with them, their faces aging as time passed until there was nothing but a dark silhouette when their delicate mortal life ended. It shielded them from the worst of the pain they would feel when the Hag Queen siphoned their youth away, one year at a time, to strengthen her own beauty. But even more important, it gave them a layer of calm over their emotions as they faced the reality of their new life in the Hag’s harem.
Sex and beauty—these were all the Hag cared about. The maidens lived with her in her winter castle; in a hedonistic paradise where the Hag Queen would expect them to entertain her and her guests at countless revels. It made me shiver just thinking about it, because soon I’d be taking Rosalin Greene there.My Rosalin.
Strong and stubborn Rosalin. She’d stood up to me, spat her opinions at me instead of hiding in her suite. She was bright and inquisitive—an infernal brazier washing away my shadows with her curiosity. She was the opposite of me in so many ways, with demanding emotions that ignited a spark in my cold, dark heart that hadn’t been there for hundreds of years. She was a beautiful reminder that I could still feel something other than anguish, pain, and regret.
I tried to get up, but I struggled against an unfamiliar weight. I pried my eyes open and looked down to find a very real Rosalin asleep on me, her head resting on my chest and one arm slung across my stomach.
Perhaps I hadn’t dreamt of her coming at all. Which meant I might not have dreamt kissing her or telling her I wanted her. Or telling her I had to finish her portrait. I squeezed my eyes closed to keep the panic building in my chest at bay. If I’d managed to say all of these things it could open up so many more questions and I hated how many I couldn’t answer.
My hand hovered over her head before I gave in and dug my fingers into her hair, letting the soft threads tangle between them. How long had it been since I’d touched someone like this? Gentle and meandering, intentional, someone I wanted to touch. I savored the warmth of her pressing against my chest even as the cold stone reminded me of what I would have to do. I ran my hand over her exposed shoulder, her silken skin tempting me to tuck my fingers beneath the neckline of her dress. I knew I was only torturing myself with what I couldn’t have.
The Hag Queen made sure I was kept under lock and key. I spent my time alone, here in the Gatehouse as I brought Fae back and forth through the portal. Or at her side in her palace of cruel pleasures and death. Until she needed another maiden. Every five years. And if she learned I’d touched one of her human girls before they were delivered? I never wanted to live through that punishment again.
The Hag had twisted my shadows into the curse, weaving them so tightly around her I could do almost nothing with them but bring people through the portal. She’d shackled me more than once with my own magic, reminded me over and over that I was hers, and no one else’s. I shuddered at the memory of the queen’s touch, her cruelty, the pain she had no qualms inflicting. Because I was hers and she could do whatever she wished with me.
Rosalin’s head popped up, her sleep heavy eyes finding mine. A swell of fear washed away, replaced with such soothing relief. Her emotions were always so strong, but this close to me, they seemed amplified, burrowing themselves under my skin. And nowthere were countless questions already burning through her. I had to be strong, like I had when she’d first come here. When I’d still been able to ignore them. Just a little longer. I could do this if I was strong.I had to.
“I worried...” Her voice was raw and gritty, and she sucked in a broken breath. “I thought you died.”
I swallowed hard, realizing just how much trouble I was in. There was genuine affection in her words, and I didn’t think I was strong enough to push her away anymore.
I attempted a meek smirk. “I’m immortal, silly human.”
She smiled weakly then nuzzled her head against my chest, a spark of heat settling in my stomach. This closeness was going to destroy me. I could feel her relief melting into a warm desire. It burned through my shirt like a brand, and I wanted so much more. I traced the line of her throat over and over again, across her collarbones and back, as if I needed reminding of the shape of her, which I didn’t. I’d memorized every inch of her by the second day. I had a portrait to paint, and it had to be perfect.
For a long moment she didn’t move, and I was content to spend every single second I could like this. Just a little longer. I couldn’t allow myself to be this close to her again. Not when I knew there’d be grave consequences if the Hag learned that Rosalin’s emotions had woven together with mine. We would both pay in pain.
“I should have guessed it sooner,” Rosalin said, before she looked up at me again, her eyes glistening with tears. “It’s not that you don’t want to answer me, you physicallycan’tanswer me...I'm such an idiot.”
I shook my head. I needed to protect her, but the only way I knew how was to push her away, and it was so incredibly hard.
