Page 97 of Falling for You
‘Nothing,’ I say, letting him go. ‘You were right about Aunt Tell, though. She is a dick.’ He raises his eyebrows, waiting for me to continue, but I walk to the kitchen and open the fridge. ‘Do you want a beer?’
‘Go on, then.’
I grab two cans and hand one to Stevie, before flopping down on the armchair opposite him. The TV is flickering, blaring some antiques show that Stevie seems to love.
‘You know, you could have saved some time if you’d listened to me in the first place,’ he says, clicking open his beer. ‘I did tell you she was a dick.’
I sigh. ‘Yeah well, call me an idiot.’
‘I’d rather call you an optimist,’ Stevie says kindly and I soften. He holds his beer can towards me and we knock them together.
‘Why do you hate her, then?’ I ask. ‘You’ve never told me.’
He shrugs. ‘I don’t know, man. She’s just not like the rest of our family. She’s so selfish and self-absorbed. Like, every time I had a friend round from college she’d put on a show for us, but she never cared if I needed real help. She only cared about herself.’
I nod. ‘I can see that.’
‘I’m worried I’m like her.’
His eyes are still fixed on the TV.
‘Like her?’ I repeat. ‘Stevie, you—’
‘I know I’m selfish,’ he says, still not making eye contact with me. ‘I’m not like you and Mom – you’re both so kind and generous. I’m trying to be better, though. I know you’re angry with me.’
I press my lips together.
‘For what it’s worth, I’m angry with you, too.’
‘Angry at me!’ I burst out incredulously. ‘What for?’
He sighs. ‘You’ll tell me it’s stupid.’
‘Well, that depends what it is.’
He swigs on his beer and sits up straighter. ‘I’m jealous of all the time you got to spend with Mom and Dad while I’ve been here. Every time I joined a call with you all or saw a picture of how happy you all were together … it made me so homesick. I’d have come every weekend if I was able to, but my school was so intense and even after then, I didn’t have the money to come home more than once a year. And then Mom got sick and I just …’
He rubs the top of his head roughly and I feel a weight drop through me.
‘It just got easier not to talk to her. I felt so guilty for missing so much, for being selfish and running away.’
A stone drops through my body. How could I never have realised this before? Of course Stevie is angry. He came to London to follow his dreams and be young and free, and instead life gave him a hand of cards none of us ever expected.
‘It’s not selfish to live your life, Stevie,’ I say. ‘None of us could ever have known that Mom would get sick.’
He shrugs and sinks into silence as the TV flickers and a man with a thatch of grey hair smacks a gavel down and everyone cheers.
‘So,’ I say, after taking a swig of my beer, ‘I need to talk to you.’
He arches an eyebrow.
‘I’m going home. Back to New York. Things just haven’t worked out for me here, Stevie. I thought I could get Aunt Tell to visit Mom, or call her or something, but she won’t do it. So I have no need to be here any more. I want to go back home and be with Mom.’
He jerks around, outraged. ‘What?You can’t go back, you’ve only just got here!’
‘I know.’
‘What about that girl?’
