Page 80 of Falling for You
But it’s just … Penny and I have lived together for the past ten years.
‘That’s great!’ I say, although now my voice is all weird and stretched, like it’s two octaves too high. ‘I’m so excited for you.’ I turn to Tanya and hit her on the leg. ‘Who are we going to get to fill the boxroom, eh? No nutters!’ I laugh too loudly and then realise that I’m the only one making anysound. I was so focused on Penny that I’d barely looked at Tanya, but she’s pulling the same expression as Penny.
Gosh, she looks more upset than I do. ‘Hey,’ I say, giving her hand a squeeze. ‘It’s okay. We’ll still see Pen all the time, and we can get her to make us loads of batches of stew before she goes so our freezer is full, right, Pen?’
‘I’m moving to Paris.’
Just like Penny, Tanya’s confession comes out in a weird, frantic burst, but this one hits me like a cold bucket of water.
‘What?’ I manage.
Penny has been with Mike for years. I always knew the day would come where Tanya and I would be left to our own devices for a few years, until we both eventually settled down when we wereboth ready.
‘Paris?’ I say stupidly. ‘Why?’
‘She’s been offered a job,’ Penny says, and I notice that she’s put her arm around Tanya’s shoulders supportively and I feel a horrible pang of guilt. She’s not hearing this for the first time. She already knew.
Oh my God, have they rehearsed this without me?
‘A job?’ I say, after realising that I’ve been silent for too long. ‘What job?’
‘It’s in the Paris office,’ Tanya says in a small voice. ‘I’ll be heading up their PR department. It’s quite a big deal.’
‘It’s a huge deal!’ Penny says loyally, giving Tanya’s shoulders a shake, and it’s only then that I notice I haven’t even said anything positive yet.
‘That’s amazing!’ I utter. ‘Wow, Tanya. That’s huge.’ I reach forward and give her a hug, but it’s all limp and cold,not like the warm, hard hugs that we normally give each other. ‘So … wow,’ I say when I sit back down. ‘You’re both moving … That’s amazing, it’s great. I’m so happy for you both.’
And the thing is, I do mean it, but my voice is weak, like it’s been stripped of all emotion.
‘We’re really sorry!’ Tanya cries. ‘We don’t want to leave you!’
I look down at my hands, feeling a flush of embarrassment. ‘Haha,’ I say in a weird, fake laugh. ‘I’m not your child, Tanya.’
Even though I do feel like one, quite a lot of the time.
‘No!’ Tanya says quickly, her face flushing. ‘Of course not. I just—’
‘It’s not for another month or so,’ Penny says.
My stomach lurches. ‘Have you told the landlord?’
She shakes her head earnestly. ‘No, but Mike has found a place for us to live, so I do need to tell them soon.’
I turn to Tanya. ‘When do they want you in Paris?’
‘As soon as possible,’ she manages.
And then it hits me. I’m not just being told that my best friends are about to do something amazing and exciting, something that I have no version of; they’re also telling me that the three of us are about to split up and, for the first time in ten years, we’re not going to live together. We’re not going to live in our flat. We’re all going to move out.I’m going to have to move out.
Shit. Where am I going to live?
‘Okay,’ I say, turning back to my suitcase to try and hidethe fact that my eyes are suddenly brimming with tears. ‘Well, you can tell him tonight if you like.’
‘Annie …’ Penny says. ‘Don’t be like that.’
‘I’m not being like anything!’ I say, trying to sound bright. ‘I’ve got to get a train back home before the snow gets really bad, and if you both need to move out quickly then we might as well get the ball rolling.’
‘Are you okay?’ Tanya says, the desperation in her voice so heartfelt that it almost makes me melt into a puddle on the floor. But instead, I turn to them, a horrible, painful smile forced on my face.
