Page 23 of Forever & Always You
We head inside the store and join the line, but not without catching each other’s eye every half a second. I can’t help it, and clearly neither can he. We’re trying to suss the other out, but we keep getting caught out. I’m trying to adapt to the sight of himnotin a suit. Today, he’s casual. His washed-out jeans fit perfectly around his hips and the short sleeves of his plain white T-shirt show off the definition in his arms. And Austin went to college on a track scholarship, so I guess he invested in those biceps when he wasn’t ticking off his four-hundred-meter intervals. Looks to me like he definitely still goes to the gym. And that makes me uncomfortable, because I definitelydon’t.
“How often do you go to the gym? If it’s more than three times a week, then I’m not sure we can be friends,” I muse as we’re waiting in line. “You’ll want to start taking me along with you, and I’m sorry, but I don’t do cardio.”
Austin laughs. “Only when I have the time, so I make the cut. You really don’t work out?”
“Nope,” I say, popping my lips on the “p”. I won’t admit that I haven’t stepped foot in a gym since I flew off a treadmill in front of the packed campus gym five years ago. A humbling experience.
“Huh. You look too good for someone who doesn’t work out.”
I raise a questioning eyebrow. Was that a compliment? FromAustin?
He gets a lucky escape from explaining himself, because the barista calls us forward to order our coffee. Decaf espresso for Austin, iced latte for me. I pay for them, since I did smash his office table yesterdayandstick my drinks on his tab at the bar. Plus I want the reward points.
We grab an empty table outside on the terrace, one with a parasol that offers us shade from the sun. Honestly, I don’t even mind the deviation from my plan of heading home to Durham, because what’s the rush? As long as I’m out from under my mother’s roof, I’m good.
Austin sips from his little baby espresso cup, then shots it. “Decaf lately,” he says, “because I developed a bit of a caffeine addiction at work until I could no longer function without it. Heart rate went through the roof, couldn’t sleep, jitters. Getting the business off the ground was tough going.”
I swirl my cup in a circle, shaking the ice cubes together. “Do people treat you differently now?Austin Pierce, the financial advisor.Or do you prefer wealth manager?”
“Wealth manager. And obviously people do,” he says, and I glance up at him in surprise. “What? You expected my answer to be more complex than that? It’s really simple, Gabby. When you’re successful, people respect you, and people who respect you are nice to you. Life is easier now, but I also wouldn’t change my childhood, because it gives me perspective.”
“And how was college for you?”
Austin narrows his eyes. “What is this, Interrogation 101?”
“I’m just curious—”
“College was a thousand times better than high school,” he cuts in. “No one knew my background. It was a fresh start. Why?”
I shrug, finally taking a sip of my coffee. “I guess I just want to know that things turned out okay for you in the end. That youdidn’t suffer through college too, you know? It makes me feel better.”
“You don’t really deserve to feel better, though, do you?” Austin says, his tone hard. Maybe I broke him down so many times before that now he automatically defaults to being defensive around me. “My friends in college being nicer people than you doesn’t change the fact that you were fucking awful. You know that, right?”
I freeze mid-sip, staring at him over the rim of my cup, then set my coffee down on the table and straighten my shoulders. “Okay, what is this, Austin? You aresohot and cold with me. Ten minutes ago you were joking around with me at the lights, now you have that angry look in your eyes and you’re calling me awful. You’re either giving me the chance to earn your forgiveness or you aren’t. Please make up your mind, because you’re giving me whiplash here.”
Austin scoffs with indignation. He rises from the table, tosses his empty espresso cup into the nearby trashcan and then storms across the parking lot while I blink after him. He would have never walked away from me before, but I guess that was the problem. There were so, so many times he should have walked away yet never did. As much as I hate seeing him turn his back on me, I’m glad he now protects himself.
But this conversation is far from over, so I take off after him, erratically waving my coffee cup.
“Hello?Can you answer me, please?”
Austin abruptly stops and spins on his heels, and my body slams straight into his chest. There are so many different emotions in his piercing eyes that I can barely decipher a single one. They are dangerous yet so full of anguish.
“Because I hate you, Gabby,” he says, each word twisted with emotion, “but I also miss you.”
“Oh.”
“The past twenty-four hours, I’ve been fighting a battle inside my head, because one second I see a glimpse of the girl I used to adore. The girl who was sarcastic and goofy and fun to be around.” He swallows hard, squeezing his eyes shut as he lowers his head in defeat. “And then the next second I remember the way that girl made me feel, and fuck, it hurts, Gabrielle.It hurts.”
“Oh.” My throat tightens until it feels like I’m swallowing knives.
Austin’s eyes flash open, his jaw clenched. Through rigid lips, he says, “So no, I can’t make up my fucking mind. You messed with it too much.”
I hurt him so much more than I thought.
Even just looking at me seems almost unbearable to him. It dawns on me only now, and perhaps twenty-four hours too late, that even just my presence still hurts. And I don’t mean to hurt him. I don’twantto. But some wounds cut too deep, leaving permanent scars.
I grab his arm before he can take another step away from me. “Tell me what I can do to fix this. I’ll do anything,Austin.”
