Page 44 of Forever & Always You
The past few days with Austin, it’s felt like I’ve been wrapped up in a safe little bubble, but that’s not reality. The reality is that I have no job, no degree, no life plan. And as much as I would love to be Austin’s house-guest for longer, there’s a renewed sense of determination rising through me and I know the right thing to do is go home, just for a little while. I need to get a grip on my life before I even consider bringing Austin into this mess.
Besides, he’s a fully functioning adult with a nine-to-five. He has to work and can’t just spend his days entertaining me, so I head home with the promise that we will call every day. Austinwantsme to figure things out, and so does my brother, and of course my mom. The only one stopping me now is myself.
So, I make that decision to return home to my lonely apartment.
And the pipes have indeed been welded back together, and the water is running again, and although it’s a relatively crap apartment in an even crapper complex, it always felt like my own little home. But when I’m trying to get some sleep that night, I stare at the ceiling and realize this isn’t home at all.
I sit up, flick on a light, and formulate a plan of action.
*
The next afternoon, I push through the door of Buck’s Tavern. The usual scent of stale cigarette smoke seems a thousand times worse after being gone for a few days and I wrinkle my nose as I cross through the bar. Even though the customers here tend to be the lost citizens of society, it’s too early on a Monday for even them to be here yet. Carly stacks glasses behind the bar and Buck sets his hands on his hips as he stares me down.
“Now what are you doing here, Gabrielle?” he asks as I approach, and I think it’s pretty damn obvious why I’m here. Why else, other than to bat my eyelashes and beg for my job back?
“Buck, I want to apologize,” I say, and he eyeballs me suspiciously, because not once in my entire life have I apologized to Buck for anything, and I have done a hell of a lot of things in this bar that required apologies. “You were right. I had an attitude and a superiority complex, but Ididdo my job well, and I really would like a second chance. No more sass from me, I promise.”
Buck scrutinizes my expression. The sincerity in my eyes must be clear, because he sighs and throws me an apron from behind the bar. “Can you work right now? The girl I hired to replace you was a no-show last night, so I have no hope she’ll turn up today.”
“See? You can’t run this place without me, Buck,” I joke with a grin, and he rolls his eyes, but secretly I think he’s relieved I’ve walked back through the door.
I tie the apron around my waist and join Carly behind the bar. She seems happy to see me, which makes me feel guilty for never giving her the time of day. We’ve worked alongside eachother for a while now, yet we’ve never had a real conversation other than tossing a coin to determine which one of us will be on bathroom duty.
“Hey, Carly.”
“I’m glad you’re back,” she says. “How was your weekend?”
I laugh and reply, “I’m gonna need an hour to fill you in. Would you hate me if I said I named a cactus in a Wilmington office after you?”
*
Later that week, I finally pluck up the courage to meet with the Time Away Office at Duke University.
After withdrawing three years ago, I’m a bundle of nerves as I make my way across the campus, but I have been avoiding this for far too long and the time has come to discuss my return.One more year.One more year of studying and I’ll have my degree. The bulk of the work is done, and I know I can do this. I can absolutely see this through until the end.
In all honesty, I’ve felt mentally strong enough to return to school for the past year, if not two, but there is something about resuming my normal life that triggers a strange sense of guilt inside of me, like moving on from losing Dad means forgetting him. The rational part of my brain knows this is not true. Dad would want me to finish school, and although my grief will always be there, I need to live my life around it.
The advisor I speak with is lovely. Reassuring of my worries and comforting of my panic. My transcripts are all in order and my grades when I dropped out were strong enough that there’ll be no issues picking up my classes exactly where I left off. The only major setback is that I’ve missed the deadline for the upcoming fall semester, so the soonest I can now return is next year, which kills my momentum slightly. We file the returnrequest, anyway. I will figure out how to spend the rest of the year later.
As I’m crossing the campus to head back to my car, I make a call.
“Hello, Gabrielle,” answers my mother. “Is something wrong?”
And that’s a testament to our relationship, that I call her so rarely, she immediately assumes there must be a problem. I should probably put some work in there, too.
“Hi,” I say. “I just wanted to call and let you know I’ve started the return process at Duke.”
“Oh, Gabrielle!” Mom exclaims, and I can hear the sheer relief in the way she says my name. “This is great news. Are you starting this semester?”
“I’ve missed the deadline, so it’ll be the spring semester instead now.”
“That’s okay, honey. What are you going to do until then?”
“I’ll keep busy,” I say, leaving out the finer details. I’m not sure how much approval my plan of slinging drinks at Buck’s for another six months will get from her. There’s also the recent development with Austin which I’m sure will keep me busy too, what with driving back and forth to Wilmington to visit him, but it’s definitely way too soon to tell herthat. If my friendship with him was unbearable back in the day, I can only imagine what she’d have to say now.
For the time being, my lips are sealed.
*
