Page 17 of Forever & Always You
“And are they fixed?”
“No.”
“Then youdefinitelyaren’t going back to Durham yet.”
I cock my head to the side. “Excuse me?”
“Let’s hit the bar,” Austin suggests. “Drinks on me. Sounds like you’ve been having a rough week, and I don’t imagine you want to spend all evening with your mom, do you?”
I stare at him, gauging his motives. Didn’t hejusttear up that note in front of me and tell me I wasn’t someone he’d want to be friends with? Quite simply, I tell him, “I’m so confused. You want to go for drinks with me now?”
“I’m not opposed to hearing your attempt at an apology,” hesays, “but I’m going to need some booze before I listen to it.”
“Really?”
He tucks the torn pieces of paper back into the pocket of his suit. “Really.”
“Where?”
“Remember that little dive bar around the corner from the rec center? I’m going to head down there right now and get started, because I’d prefer to be semi-wasted before you show up.” He smirks, but I refrain from rolling my eyes because I’m just grateful he is willing to hear me out and I don’t want to push my luck too much. Austin retreats from me, heading backward down the steps, his eyes never leaving mine. “Go finish your fancy salmon and you’ll find me down there.”
“Tequila shots on standby?”
“Obviously. You’re the most annoying mumbler in the world when you’re nervous and I’ll need something strong to numb the pain of enduring it.”
This time, when his smile stretches further, I do roll my eyes.
6
Zach gives me a ride to the bar, because he has had one single glass of wine, whereas I have gulped down a second in an attempt to calm my nerves. It doesn’t help that Mom is having a breakdown at the thought of me socializing with Austin Pierce, because the Pierces were never “our kind of people.” And yes, of course she accused Austin of being a drug dealer, and then of beingmydrug dealer, like the only possible reason we could have for hanging out is a nefarious one.
So, Zach and I ditched her as soon as dinner was wrapped up, even though she wailed from the front door as we reversed out of the drive.
We pull up outside the dive bar where I agreed to meet Austin, and my anxiety doubles. My stomach flips and flops so much, I feel like the only way to stop it might be to violently throw up.
Zach scrunches his nose up at the bar’s questionable exterior, but I won’t dare admit that Buck’s Tavern looked even worse. At least this bar has no graffiti on the door. He looks at me and asks, “Areyou doing drugs? Because .?.?.”
“No,” I say firmly. “Never.”
“Really? Never? Because I did for a while after Dad died.”
“Zach!”
He laughs as I punch his arm. “I took a couple pills; you dropped out of college. Let’s leave it at that.” It’s beginning to grow dark outside, twilight settling over the city, and he flicks on the car’s interior lights to get a better look at me, or maybe so I can’t lie to his face. “Why are you going for drinks with scruffy Austin, anyway? I didn’t know you guys were friends again.”
“We’re not,” I say, then a sigh follows. “What you said this morning? About me being Mom’s perfect daughter in high school? You were right. I was awful, and I was especially awful to Austin. I don’t like the person I’ve been the past ten years, and this disaster of a life I’m currently living since Dad passed? It’s my karma.”
“So this is .?.?. what?”
I meet my brother’s curious eyes and shrug, because at this point, I’m not entirely sure myself what I’m hoping for. “Redemption, maybe?”
“You think some vodka sodas in some crap bar in your hometown is going to fix what you did to Austin?” he says, and the hint of mockery in his question makes me feel stupid, like I’m some naive idiot for believing exactly that.
“Thanks for the ride,” I mumble, throwing off my seatbelt with a clang and stepping out of the car.
“Oh, Gabs, c’mon,” says Zach, leaning over the center console to catch my eye again before I slam the door shut.
And maybe it’s because I’m two glasses of wine deep and my adrenaline is pumping that I lean back into the car. “I’m a loser, okay? A big fat loser, but I’ve sucked up this life for the past three years and I’ve served my time, so now I want to clean up the past and start thinking of my future. Fuck, maybe I’ll even get around to being nice to Mom one day too. But I can’t go back to Durham and live another year like this. It kills me to admit it, but Dadwouldhate how things have turned out for me. So no,I don’t think some drinks with Austin are going to redeem my character, but it’s a start. And Ihaveto start somewhere, Zach, because I’m already at rock bottom and the only way is up.”
