Page 47 of The Wrong Side of Kai
I lean down and tentatively press my lips to Kai’s. I’m still holding his head in my lap and we remain still, our mouths together, until he reaches up and rests his hand on the back of my neck. He pulls me closer against him, kissing me harder. My heartbeat is pounding in my ears. Kai sits up, never breaking the kiss, his hand wrapped into my hair as he hovers over me. He presses his chest into mine, pushing me backward until my head hits the pillows. I lock my arms around the back of his neck, keeping him close because I never want to let go. Kissing Kai is much more than I’ve ever felt. It’s electrifying, sending sparks all through my body. It makes me realize thatthisis what I want.
Kai is what I want.
The room is so silent, the beating of our hearts the only sound. His body is above mine, his hands are tangled in my hair, his tongue is in my mouth. The kiss deepens, quickens, both of us surging with desire. I can’t get enough of Kai Washington. I wish I’d known him forever.
I push against him, arching my back and lifting my body off the bed. Kai rolls over, taking me with him so I’m on top now. Our lips never break apart. His hands are wandering. They’re in my hair, they’re on my hips, they’re pulling at the belt loops of my jeans. I tug at his T-shirt and we separate for the first time while Kai helps me pull it over his head. He kisses my face, my neck, my collarbone. His lips are firm and moist. He sits up, holding me close against his bare chest as I weave my fingers back into his hair.
Kai’s hands are under my top now. His hands are warm against my skin, sending goosebumps all down my back. We both know which line we’re crossing here. We know what happens next.
And I’m desperate to cross that line. I want Kai to kiss his way down my body, I want to feel his skin against mine, I want to share this moment with him. But I also don’t want to cross that lineyet.
I don’t want to rush things with Kai. For once in my life, I want to take things slow, to get to know him some more. Things are different with him. This isn’t just a fling, or some new guy who I’ll get bored of after a couple months. I feel. . .excitedabout the possibility of Kai and me. And that’s something I’ve never felt before. I don’t want to ruin it. I want to wait a little longer. Now isn’t the right time.
“Stop,” I say, breathless. I cup Kai’s face in my hands and hold it still, gazing back into his cool, blue eyes. They are glistening.
“Sorry,” Kai says. He’s holding me close, and he instantly drops his hands to my waist. I gaze down at his chest, almost sure I can see his heart beating. Concern crosses his features. “You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m great. You’re perfect,” I reassure him, pecking my lips to his. I hook my arms around his neck and let out a sigh. “It’s just that. . . I don’t know if I’m ready for this yet. With you. And not because I don’t want to,” I babble, “because I do. I really do, but I want to wait. Is that okay?”
“Actually, I was kind of thinking the same thing,” Kai says, glancing down as he grows shy. He runs his hands from my waist down my thighs, over the denim of my jeans. He sheepishly looks up at me from beneath his dark eyelashes. “And trust me, I want this too, but I’m a little old fashioned. It should mean something, you know?”
My face instantly falls. His words are like a punch in the gut. “What’s that supposed to mean, Kai?” I say.
“Oh God,” he groans, his eyes widening. He shakes his head fast and grabs my hips. “Nessie, I didn’t mean it like that. I swear.”
But I’m already pushing him away. I swing my body off his and slide off the bed, grabbing my jacket from the chair. My cheeks are flaming with a mixture of anger and embarrassment. I can’t even look at him now, so I keep my back to him as I angrily pull on my jacket. “I know what you meant,” I say bitterly, my voice quiet. I should have known that my reputation defines me, and that of course Kai can’t ignore that. “You think I’m easy, right? I thought you were different, Kai. You told me you didn’t judge me, but clearly you do.”
“Vanessa,” Kai says. He comes from behind me, reaching for my wrist. “I don’t think that.”
I spin around, my entire body engulfed in rage, and shake his hand off my arm. “Well, why not? It’s true,” I snap at him. So much for trusting Kai. I’m humiliated even just standing here in front of him, knowing that he thinks of me the same way everyone else does. He knows I don’t believe in relationships, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want sex tomeansomething. “I guess it doesn’t matter that for you I wanted to wait. It’s like you didn’t even expect me to.”
Kai blinks fast, his forehead creased with alarm. “Nessie, c’mon,” he pleads, stepping closer to me. He’s still shirtless. “I just meant that I’ve only ever been with a girl I was in a relationship with, whereas you’re more casual. That’s okay, of course. But those other guys can’tallmean something to you.”
“Wow,” I say. I blow out a breath of disbelief at the words I’m hearing.
“Shit,” Kai mutters, pressing his hands to his face as though he wants to shove everything he just said back into his mouth. But it’s too late now. His words have already stung, their poison spreading straight to my core. “I’m screwing this all up. You know I don’t care about that stuff. Your past and stuff. It doesn’t matter, Nessie.”
“But yet it’s so obvious that you do care. And my name,” I say through gritted teeth, “isVanessa. Only the people who matter get to call me anything else.”
I snatch my car keys from the dresser, and turn for the door. I storm downstairs in a fit of rage. As if I let myselffeelsomething for a guy who thinks I’m incapable of having feelings. I’m so embarrassed and disappointed, I have to fight to hold back my tears.
Kai is close on my heels as I stride down the stairs. He keeps trying to call out for me, to reach for my hand, but I’m too wrapped up in my own fury at him.
“Leaving already?” Cindy says as I cross the living room, surprise evident in her voice, but I can’t even look at her. I slip on my shoes and walk straight out the front door, trying my best not to slam it behind me.
The second I’m outside, the tears break free.
19
I dump the Green McRusty out on the street and then run for my front door, still wiping tears from my cheeks. I could cry in the privacy of the car, out here alone in the middle of our neighborhood where no one will notice me, but all I want is my own bed right now. My own pillows. My teddy bear. And it’s not like I’ll need to hide from Dad. He didn’t even notice me leave earlier, so why would he notice me return?
I throw open the door and keep my head down as I head for the stairs. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Dad at the kitchen table, huddled over his laptop again. He’ll most likely be carrying out more research for this vacation to Ireland he expects us all to take next summer, because exploring our Irish ancestry was one of Mom’s big dreams that Dad never paid attention to while she was still alive. Now he’s trying his best to make up for it. To honor her wishes, I guess.
I step one foot on the stairs, sniffing as the tears stream down my face. Kennedy is in the living room, staring at the TV while she strokes a blissed-out Theo. We are all so distant in this house, each of us trying to get by in our own way. Kennedy and I carefully avoid talking about Mom in fear that Dad will break down further, and I push the boundaries of a normal teenage existence in an attempt to have my fathernoticeme.
“Vanessa?” Dad says. I freeze on the spot, my hand on the banister, surprised to hear Dad say my name. I look over, my eyes puffy and swollen. He immediately rises from the table and removes his reading glasses. “Are you crying?”
“Do you even care if my answer is yes?”
