Page 350 of Releasing 10

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NOVEMBER 29, 2003

EVERYTHING SWITCHED OFF IN MY HEAD LIKE A LIKE A LIGHT SWITCH.

All the pain.

All the feelings.

All the memories.

Everything justpoof!

I didn’t care anymore, and I fucking loved it.

Hyperalert, I thrived in the madness, completing weeks’ worth of schoolwork in just one night.

And my stories?

God, my stories had never been so detailed.

Creativity was pouring from my pen to the pages.

I honestly thought I might be able to do anything in this moment.

They could say what they wanted about me at school.

I didn’t care.

They couldn’t hurt me.

I was invincible, dammit.

Fuck those bitches.

I wouldcrushthem with my pen. I would wreck them with my words, and I didn’t have to worry about feeling bad about it because I didn’t feel anything.

Not a sliver of remorse.

It was the greatest relief.

It was inside of me all along—a wondrous cave to escape inside when the world got too difficult.

Sleep was for the weak, and I wasstrong.

I was forceful and powerful.

No more monsters under my body.

Starved for physical touch, I felt I would die without it.

I was running through a desert, frantically searching for a pool of water. I would die without it. I was so thirsty. I would have consumed contaminated slime if it quenched the thirst, the burning inside of me.

That’s how it felt when Pierce was inside me.

He was a means to an end.

I couldn’t make sense of it because how could you make sense of madness?

All logic, reason, and moral fiber had checked out.

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