Page 344 of Releasing 10
Erased and replaced with poison.
With sadness.
With unanswered questions and speculation.
All the thoughts.
All the memories.
All the regret I had for decisions I had no memory of making.
I made them, though.
That, I was sure of.
Grief—it swept me up in its cruel wave of suffocation before spitting me out on the beach of guilt and devastation.
I didn’t want to be this way anymore.
Iwantedto get better.
To find the girl I used to be and become her once more.
But she wasn’t there anymore, and if, by some small miracle, I found her, the boy she loved with all her heart had been chased off by the demon that had taken on the form of her skin.
What was the point?
I’d already lost everything.
I wasruined.
YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME
Lizzie
NOVEMBER 14, 2003
LIFELESS, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF A BEATING HEART, ISTOOD ON HIS FRONT PORCHand rang the doorbell again. I knew Claire and Sinead wouldn’t be at home. They went to mass on Sunday, but Hugh usually spent the morning studying.
I knew I had permission to go inside, but it didn’t feel right to intrude on him.
Not after what I’d put him through.
Hold it together, Lizzie.
It might not be as bad as you think.
The moment the front door swung inward and I was greeted by the sight of Hugh, I knew I was lying to myself.
It wasn’t as bad as I thought.
It was so much worse.
Hugh folded his arms across his chest, clearly waiting for me to go first.
“I’m so sorry” was all I could come up with.
“For what exactly?”
