Page 328 of Releasing 10
“Ican’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t know you anymore.”
“Yes, you do.” Sniffling, I reached up and tried to cup his face in my hands. “I’m still me.”
“Don’t.” His voice was broken when he shook his head, reaching up to peel my hands from his face. “I can’t have your hands on me.”
“I didn’t mean it, Hugh.” Frantic, I entwined my fingers with his and stepped closer. “I was drunk, okay? I was looking for you. I thought it was you! I love you. I love you; I do. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“You fucked him, Liz!” he roared, losing his cool. “Pierce O’Neill! My own goddamn teammate! Youfuckedhim. So don’t stand here and tell me you love me.”
“I do love you, Hugh!”
“You don’t know the meaning of the word.” He seethed, chest heaving. “I loved you, Liz. Me.” He slapped a hand against his chest. “I fucking loved you enough to put you first. Even when it was hard to do the right thing. I fucking did it. Because that’s what someone does when they love someone. They put that person first.”
“I…” shaking my head, I racked my brain to find the words to make this better. To turn back the clocks. “I don’t know why I did it.” A pained sob escaped me. “It didn’t mean anything to me. It’s just…sometimes, I get these feelings, and I need…”
“Do you think that asshole cares about you?” he cut me off and demanded, gesturing to the house we had left. “Do you think he gives a shit about anything other than what’s under your clothes? Because I’ll let you in on a little secret, Liz, he doesn’t. Ninety-nine percent of the assholes at my house tonight don’t give two shits about anything other than getting their dicks wet!”
“Hugh,” I cried, clinging to him for dear life. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“You are not a person to those assholes, Liz,” he continued to shout, voice cracking with emotion. “They don’t care about your heart or your mind or your vulnerability. They don’t give a shit about any of that. Because when they look at you, all they’re seeing is pussy!”
“I’m so sorry.” Violent sobs racked through me. “I just wanted to forget.”
“Forget what?” he demanded hoarsely. “Me? Was I so fucking bad to you that you had to do this? You couldn’t wait?”
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” I cried, feeling hysterical. “You’ve been perfect to me. I’ve never had someone care about me like you have.”
“Yeah? Well, newsflash, Liz, it’s not all about how you feel,” Hugh shot back, chest heaving. “I was in the relationship, too,andIwasn’t fucking ready for sex, okay? I gave you nine fucking years of my life, and you fuck a randomer in my bed?”
“I don’t know how it happened!” I cried out, grabbing my hair. “I just…I wanted to feel good.”
“So your need to feel good made it okay tocheaton me?”
“Hugh.” I couldn’t breathe. “I didn’t mean to; I swear to God! I think I’m drunk and I just…” I shook my head and cried hard. “I am so sorry!”
“Yeah, see the difference between us, Liz, is that I couldneverbe intimate with anyone other than you,” he strangled out, trembling. “Drunk or not, I couldnevergive myself to some randomer like you just did.”
“Just give me another chance, Hugh.” Sniffling, I tried to hook my arms around his neck. “Let me fix this, okay?”
“It’s too late.”
“No.” Crying uncontrollably, I held on for dear life, feeling like my entire world was slipping from my fingers. “Please don’t say that.”
“You can’t keep doing this to me,” he cried hoarsely, battling to capture my hands that were touching him everywhere. “Liz, you’re fuckingkillingme.”
“I’m not trying to,” I sobbed uncontrollably. “I just…I fuck everything up.”
“I thought I knew who you were,” he whispered brokenly. “I thought I was what you wanted.” A tear rolled down his cheek. “I was wrong.”
“Don’t say that,” I cried, trying to kiss him and feeling devastated when he dodged me. “I do want you. You’re all I want.”
“You’re going to come out of this.” Sniffling, Hugh turned his head away and used his shoulder to wipe his check. “And when you do, you’re going to hate yourself as much as IwishI could hate you.”
“Hugh!”
