Page 381 of Releasing 10
But I wouldn’t.
Because I knew I had to take accountability.
My mother was lying in a hospital bed because of me, and my entire world had been blown to smithereens.
I was a fucking mess.
“Hey—hey.” Hugh’s steady voice broke through the cloud of tumultuous thoughts thrashing around in my head, and I felt his hands on my face. “Look at me, Liz.”
Reluctantly, I did.
“It’s okay,” he said slowly, eyes locked on mine. “Everything is going to beokay.”
“I’m so sorry,” I breathed, tears streaming down my cheeks. “I never meant for any of this to happen.”
“I know you didn’t,” he replied, stroking my cheeks with his thumbs. “And we can talk about everything when you get home.” His eyes glistened with tears. “But for now, all you have to do is get better, okay?”
Sniffling, I nodded my head and covered his hands with mine. “I’ll never forgive myself for what I’ve done to you.” A pained sob escaped me, and I clenched my eyes shut to stem my tears. “I’ve hurt you so bad, Hugh.”
“I’m here, see?” He offered me a pained smile. “And all I want you to do is take every bit of help those doctors offer you, okay?” A tear fell from his thick lashes to his cheek, and he sniffed his emotions back. “That’s how you make this right, Liz—by making youyouagain.”
“Your mother’s awake, Elizabeth,” Dad interrupted, standing in the doorway. “She wants to see you before you go.”
LITTLE WHITE LIES
Hugh
JANUARY 1, 2004
SITTING IN HER MOTHER’S HOSPITAL ROOM, IWATCHED ASLIZ ANDCATHERINE HADboth an emotional reunion and a tearful goodbye.
In a little while, she would be going away.
She was agreeing to get help.
Finally.
Afraid she would bolt if I left, I remained right by her side, needing her safe more than I needed my pride. I would sit here all night if it meant Liz got the help she needed.
Mike had his car keys in hand, ready and waiting to drive his daughter to the hospital, while his wife refused to let go of her hand.
Fuck, it hurt so bad, I could barely breathe.
Going to Liz when she needed me wasn’t something I had to wrestle with.
There was no decision to make.
All the pain and hurt could wait.
I could put the betrayal and resentment on ice.
Because, at the end of the day, I still wanted to be near her, still wanted to hold her hand, still wanted to kiss her lips.
Every inch of me still longed for every inch of her, and I couldn’t turn my feelings off.
What I felt for her wasn’t expendable, and it hadn’t shown up overnight. My love for her had had nine years to deepen andgrow, and the roots went deep. It wasn’t something that could be rooted out and tossed away.
She was imbedded in the foundations of who I was as a person.
