Page 220 of Releasing 10
They never had and never would.
So why bother trying?
Why bother caring?
Why bother breathing?
WHEN GIRLFRIENDS CRY AND PIGS FLY
Hugh
JUNE 1, 2000
“WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LET ME DIE!” LIZZIE SCREAMED, LAUNCHING HER PORCELAINpiggy bank at the wall. “I don’t want to be here anymore!” The porcelain pig shattered into a dozen jagged pieces, and coins and paper money exploded from his belly. “Nobody understands me!”
The rest of the world might not understand her, but I sure as shit did, which was how I knewexactlywhat she was plotting when she sank to her knees.
“Give it to me,” I commanded, vibrating with tension, as I closed the space between us. “Give it to menow, Liz.”
“Wh-what?” she sobbed, curling up in the fetal position, while she cradled her hands to her stomach.
“You know exactly what,” I strangled out, kneeling to pry the bloody shard of porcelain from her hands. “And you better not eventhinkabout it.”
“I’m a bad person, Hugh,” she said, continuing to break my heart. “You should just let me go.”
I knew Liz didn’t mean the things she said, it was the grief talking, but it wasn’t easy to hear.
I hadn’t been swimming or gone to rugby training since the funeral, choosing to spend every free moment outside of school with my girlfriend, but nothing I said or did made a blind bit of difference. The hostility I faced from my coaches and teammatesover my absence was a hard pill to swallow, but I would gladly shoulder their disdain if it meant I eased her pain.
Problem was, I was beginning to think that I was doing more harm than good by visiting.
But how could I leave her alone in this?
Icouldn’t.
Walking away from Lizzie Young wasn’t something I had the capacity to do.
“No, no, no!” Liz cried out when she noticed me move for the waste bin in her room. “Don’t go, Hugh!” Scrambling onto her hands and knees, she crawled across the floor to get to me. “Please—please! I didn’t mean it, I swear. I’ll be good, I promise!”
Tossing the bloodstained shard of porcelain in the bin, I crouched in front of her. Returning to her side was like the habit of a lifetime for me, but I did it without a hint of reservation, because regardless of how far she had fallen into the dark abyss of depression, there was no other girl on this planet I wanted to be with. “Look at me.”
“Please, please, please,” she cried, clinging to whatever part of my body she could grab. “Don’t leave me.”
“Lookat me, Liz.” Cupping her face between my hands, I pulled her close. “Open your eyes andlookat me.”
Reluctantly, she did.
Pale, sunken eyes that seemed to be void of life stared back at me.
“Where am I?” I asked in a steady tone, keeping my eyes trained on her. “Right here and now. Where am I?”
“You’re here,” she strangled out through heaving sobs.
“And who am I here with?” I continued, keeping a firm hold of her face. “Hmm?”
“You’re here with m-me.”
“I’m here withyou,” I confirmed, stroking her tearstained cheek with my thumb. “And what am I not going to do?”
