Page 197 of Releasing 10
Numb, I clutched the ropes of the swing on either side of my body and kicked at the dirt every time I swung low enough to reach the ground.
Even from here, I could still hear them back at the house.
Pouring tea.
Eating sandwiches.
Making conversation.
Acting like the world was still spinning.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut the fuck up!
Betrayal filled the empty shell in my chest, fueled with a level of hatred that made me want to scream.
Tears burned at my eyes.
Coldness spread throughout my body, turning my heart to ice.
Anger settled deep inside of my bones.
It wasn’t fair.
“I’ve been trying to work up the courage to speak to you all day, but I don’t have the right words,” a familiar voice said, andI turned to see Gibsie sit on the swing next to mine. “So I’m just going to sit here with you, okay?”
Help me, I wanted to scream,you’re the only one who can.
My voice betrayed me like it had when I was a child.
Nothing came out.
All I could do was stare at Gibsie’s big, gray eyes andwillhim to hear the words I couldn’t say out loud.
“I want to leave,” I begged, feeling drowsy and disorientated, as I stumbled toward my sister. “Please, Caoimhe.” Falling on my hands and knees on her bedroom floor, I reached for her hand and squeezed. “Make him let us go…”
“It’s going to be okay.” Sniffling, she tucked me under her arm, while she continued to scribble furiously into her notebook. “We’ll get out of here, and when we do, he’ll pay for everything, Liz. I promise.”
“I don’t care if he pays,” I sobbed, clinging to her body. “I just want to leave.”
Tearing out a page from her journal, my sister folded the page in half and then folded it again and again until it was the size of a matchbox. “Here.” She shoved the note into my sock and grabbed my hands. “You’re going to be okay, I promise.” Her blue eyes watered as she spoke. “But if anything happens to me, and he doesn’t let me out of this room—”
“Caoimhe, no!” I cried, throwing my arms around her neck. “Don’t say that.”
“I have to,” she choked out, holding me tightly. “If anything happens to me, Liz, and I don’t get out, I want you to get this note to Gibsie. Can you do that for me?” Sniffling, she pulled back to look in my eyes. “I want you to tell him everything you told me tonight, and then I want you both to go to the police…”
I couldn’t be sure if these recurring hallucinations were memories or delusions.
I had many of them, but I couldn’t be sure, and I couldn’t speak.
I couldn’tbreathe.
Fear gripped me to the point where I prayed for my mind to break apart and let me drift away.
Like it had drifted away that night.
