Page 17 of Releasing 10
“No way. It’s not happening!”
Scrambling to my feet, I bolted upstairs to my bedroom as fast as I could. I quietly closed the door and sank down on the floor, hand still gripping the circular knob.
I had to make my family love me.
If I didn’t, they were going to send me away.
“Stop fighting it,”a voice in my head commanded, and I flinched when the watery image of a woman’s face flashed before my eyes.“Just give in. It’ll all be better then.”
Oh no.
The voice was back.
The scary voice.
The one that made me wet the bed.
The one that made me fight.
Clamping my hands over my ears, I hummed loudly to drown it out.
I had to make the voice go away.
DECEMBER 25, 1992
Lizzie
“IKNEW COMING HOME WAS A BAD IDEA, MIKE. IBLOODY KNEW WE WERE ASKING FORtrouble, and I was right!”
“Calm down, Catherine. You can’t let yourself get worked up like this. You’re in the middle of chemo, love. You need to take it easy.”
“How in the name of God am I supposed to calm down when that woman was in my house? I can’t breathe thinking about what could’ve happened today, Mike!”
Flushing the toilet, I climbed onto the booster step placed in front of the sink, the one that helped me reach the tap, and reached for the orange bar of soap.
“I tried to warn you in England, but you wouldn’t listen. You were hell-bent on doing things your way when I fucking begged you not to. Now, you’re getting a small glimpse into what life was like for me, what life is going to be for us.”
“Don’t think like that!”
“I can’t help it. I can see it coming down the tracks like a freight train, and we’re stuck.”
“It’s a small chance, Michael, not a guarantee. So don’t you dare throw it back in my face. How dare you resent me for doing the right thing!”
“The right thing for who?”
“For our family!”
“Maybe for you, but it was never the right thing for me.”
“How can you stand there and say that to me?”
“Because that’s how I feel, Catherine. That’s my truth. I didn’t get to have a say in any of this because you took my choices away from me!”
I turned on the water and giggled when the soap squished between my hands, like a slippery fish.
“We have to move, Michael. We can’t stay here anymore. She’s too dangerous.”
“I’m not moving again. This is my family home, Catherine. The house my parents raised me in. This is where I belong.”
