Page 49 of Of Blood and Banes
His jaw clenches, tension drawing into his eyebrows like a bow strung tight. He knows I can’t deny it. I don’t even have tosayit. Something inexplicable draws us together with a magnetic force that’s close to impossible to deny or fight.
He closes his eyes as he leans his forehead to mine. “Please, Katerina Blackwind. Please tell me to stop.”
“I can’t…” I breathe finally. I skate a hand from the top of his shoulder down to his elbow, my breath catching in my throat at how badly I want to kiss him again. Now we’re just playing a game of who’ll be the first to break this physical barrier we’ve tried so hard to build between us. Each of us lean in a little bit further, succumbing to the longing. Our noses brush, sharing a heated gasp of breath.
“I love you,” he reminds me in a whisper as he cups my cheek with one hand, his forehead rests against mine.
As my eyes drag almost completely closed, I rip myself back before I can be enveloped in him.
Shock, disappointment, and longing pain flashes across his features. “What’s wrong?”
Uncertain I’ll be able to look him in the eyes, I tear my gaze away and stare at his muddied boots, toe-to-toe with mine. His hand slides from cupping my cheek to my chin, tilting my head up gently to look at him again. Warm, golden eyes stare at me, picking at every weak strand of my self-composure.
“Hey,” he says softly. “If…if you don’t love me anymore…if you don’t want me…just say it.”
I bite into my lip as I shake my head. “That’s not it. But there’s something you should know…and I need you to sit down.”
Worry flashes in his eyes, his breathing picking up speed. Stiffly, he backs away and takes a seat on the edge of my bed. “Okay…?”
I’m still rooted to the spot I stand. “I don’t know how else to say this…but I’m going to try anyway. Remember the night I found out about your engagement to Celeste?”
Darkness sweeps over his features, his eyes lowering as he recalls. He swallows thickly. “Yes. I remember.”
“There was something else that happened that night.”
His eyes snap up to me.
The words spill from my mouth like a hot liquid I can no longer contain. “It’s been eating at me ever since. And I don’t know what we are anymore, but I still feel obligated to tell you out of respect for what we once were. I almost left for the Dragon Lands myself that night, but as I was leaving, Darian caught me. And the only way I could think of to keep him from seeing Daeja was to kiss him.”
Sucking in a shaky inhale, he clenches his jaw like he just got punched in the gut. He nods, his voice tight. “Alright. I can’t say it feels good to know you kissed him but?—”
“That’s not all,” I murmur in defeat.
His mouth parts. His realization doesn’t have to be spoken with how stricken he looks. As if I reared back and knocked my fist straight into his strong jaw. And when I don’t speak further—when I don’t even try to fight the lingering silence between us—understanding floods in, drowning out every bit of his expression into something agonizing.
He jolts to his feet, turning his back to me and facing the wall. “You didn’t,” he breathes.
“Cole, I?—”
“I thought he looked at you the way he did because he’s a…” He shakes his head, hiding his face from my view. He runs his hands through his hair, gripping at the back of his skull as he breathes through his lips.
I pace toward him, gingerly touching his shoulder. “I hadn’t meant?—”
He spins out of my touch, his auburn hair sweeping down in front of his eyes as he keeps his head down, his gaze trained on his boots. His voice comes out weak. “Stop.”
We both stand frozen in place, my hand still outstretched before I lower it. My heart shatters as I witness first-hand the tidal wave of pain crashing over him.
I whisper, “It wasjustsex, you can’t be jealous?—”
“I’m not jealous,” he rasps, clenching his hands into fists. “I’m…I’m broken.”
He turns to leave.
My breath tightens in my chest, and tears collect at the corners of my eyes. Fuck, this is so much more painful than I’d ever realized it would be. To know I held his heart in my hands—that he had givensowillingly, time and time again, and crushing it like glass. Broken beyond repair.
It cuts me, too.
I grab his forearm as he passes me, and he glances at my hand, still avoiding any eye contact. He watches the way my fingers wrap around him, desperate and pleading.
