Page 198 of Of Blood and Banes
He steps through whatever invisible wall was between us and brushes a hand down my head as he stares at me. “Gods, look at you. You are absolutely beautiful. You look just like your mother.”
I laugh, a smile cracking my lips as tears stream down my face. “I thought…I thought you shouldn’t touch me?”
“Do you know why your mother named you Katerina?”
I shake my head.
“Because it means pure. I know you’ll do what is right.” He swipes a tear off of my cheek with a thumb. “You have come so far. And we are all so proud of you, my love.”
The word proud makes me flinch, and I bite down on my lip. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear it. And the fact it’s coming from him of all people.
I glance around him, desperate to see the rest of my family. To see Marge or even Sethan. To see all the other people I failed to save: the little girl, her family, Corvin.
“Just me…walk with me.” He offers his elbow.
I wrap my arm around his, and we stroll in one direction, off into the expanse of white. The motion seems silly, to walk aimlessly into nothing. But I enjoy his company and will take anything to stay in this moment with him.
I glance up at him. “I finished reading your journal. I still have it with me.”
He flashes me a smile. “You do? I’m glad to hear it. It’s something of a family heirloom. It was originally my father’s, but he died before he could write in it and before I could meet him. So, when my mother gave it to me, it was always such a sentimental item for me. It gives my heart much joy to know you still have it.”
I mirror his smile, thankful for the times I second-guessed destroying it, and even more grateful Cole had hidden it for me. “You never wrote after settling into the Northern Forest in Padmoor. What happened? How did you meet my mother?”
“Well…your mother was a skilled archer for the King, as you might have known. And after a few days hiding out in the Northern Forest, she caught me red-handed with Daeja’s egg. Miraculously though, her arrow only grazed my face.” He taps his left cheek with an index finger, pointing at a faint scar. “I’d like to think it was just a warning shot. Your mother never missed. When our eyes connected, it was as if somethinginstantly changed in her. She captured me and took me as a prisoner. Except…she never reported me. Never turned me in. She read through my journal after she took me, and it transformed her perspective. She began to question the King and the kingdom she served. Even during her time in Arterias as an archer for the King, she was commanded to perform many questionable things. Things that broke her morals and haunted her.”
“That’s…that’s why she lost her sanity, isn’t it?” I ask quietly, sadness shrouding over me at the thought. It feels worse than if it was just a natural decay in her mind. But knowing now that it might have been caused by the King? Caused by events she witnessed? If I have nightmares of the ones I failed to save, what kind of horrors did my mother experience?
My father answers, “No. Or…maybe. But the real catalyst for her downfall was dragonblood.”
I gasp, meeting his gaze. “She was a Spoiled? Why?”
“When your mother and I fell in love, we wedded. I had always intended to return to the Dragon Lands, and while it took some convincing, your mother and I decided we would make the trip. But, Gods blessed, she got pregnant with your brother. We were elated but knew it was far too risky to travel north while she was with child. So, we decided to wait until he was a few years old and the three of us could go. Shortly after your brother was born, she got sick. Knocking-on-death’s-doorstep sick. I was out of my mind and desperate. I couldn’t live in a world without her, and I couldn’t let your brother live without his mother. So, I broke a cardinal sin. I cashed in almost all our coin for dragonblood to save her.”
His head drops as he scans the blank white ground beneath us, before continuing, “While the dragonblood saved your mother’s life, it was the final nail in the coffin for us returning to the Dragon Lands. As soon as the rebels found out she was aSpoiled, they’d either execute or imprison her. We found out, as she got better, she was pregnant. With you. We weren’t sure if she had been pregnant while she was sick or while she consumed the dragonblood. With dragonblood…Gods.” He shakes his head, then looks up. “It’s a brutal thing. It has incredible healing properties, but it’s highly addictive. At the dosage it took to bring her back to health, it gave her severe withdrawals. Your mother struggled with managing her cravings. Shortly after you were born, she rapidly declined. It got to a point where I had no other choice. I had to get her more. Willard came to see her and advised she take micro doses in order to maintain her health and sanity.”
I stop in my tracks. “Willard?”
“Yes, Willard. The problem with it though…it was too late. While the dragonblood saved her life, it meant she would have to spend the rest of that life taking it. And no matter what, it would erase parts of her with each dose. Her memory, her sanity, her skills. Your mother fought so damn hard to not take it. But it wasn’t a fight either of us could win…”
I stare at the white beneath my feet. Not even my shadow shows here. A soft mist ripples over my boots, and when I look up at him, tears line my eyes. “How?”
He tilts his head at me, his brown eyes hooking into mine.
“How…did you die?” I whisper.
He shakes his head.
“I must know. Please,” I plead.
He sighs heavily, dragging his gaze away from mine and staring back off into The White. “The Padmoor council caught me with the dragonblood. I couldn’t turn Willard in, not when he had helped us so much. And I knew I was already caught—I knew I was dead. If I kept Willard a secret, he could continue to help her.”
“So, Willard…knew who I was? All along?” My head spins with the realization.
“All along.” My father smiles sadly. “He’s known you all your life.”
All the years he spent trying to help me get my mother medicine. How he was always so willing to trade for the fish I caught. The day I brought him Daeja’s egg…perhaps he didn’t turn me in. He wouldn’t have had a change of heart after years of looking after me and my family, would he?
“Is he…is he still alive?” I ask with a small voice.
