Page 196 of Of Blood and Banes
“Do not,”she warns.
This isn’t like her. Not like her at all. I freeze, staring at the moonlit wall across my bed. I want to respect her space, if she needs it for herself. Feeling for our bond, I caress it, trying to understand what it is that’s troubling her. Perhaps she just doesn’t want to give the feeling words.“You’re…nervous about travelling tomorrow?”
She snorts.“Never.”
“Is it…is it A’nala? I know how much she meant to you…”
Silence stills the sounds between us.
“Ever since my mother died in the fire back in Padmoor, I’ve had nightmares, too. About everyone who has died since. The ones I wasn’t able to save. It’s okay if you don’t feel up to talking about it. I just wanted you to know I’m here for you. Always. I’m still here.”
“Thank you…now go back to sleep. We have a long day tomorrow.”
As I lie down, I have trouble falling asleep. But I flood our bond with as much love and warmth as I can muster. Hoping it’s enough to comfort her from afar. Until she’ll let me in.
The next morning, I meet our group near the northeastern outskirts of Nightfort and shield my face from the blinding sun climbing up over the horizon. Melaina gathers the horse-drawn wagons, and we bid farewell to the dragon riders. The sight of the incomplete formation sparks pain in my chest. The dragons fly in a V formation with no one at the head.
“Ready?” Melaina calls behind me.
I stride over to Daeja and heave myself up and into the saddle. As I lean down to retrieve the belt pre-hooked into the saddle, I instinctively glance down at my left for Cole.
Where he…isn’t.
I look up to the horse-drawn wagons, searching all the faces for his when my heart drops into my stomach. For the first time, I realize how accustomed I’ve grown to our silent ritual before traveling.
“Where’s Cole?” I shout out, my heart skipping beats into a full gallop.
But he’s not here. Not with any of them. I check the groups three times just to make sure, scanning faster and faster. Melaina searches, and when her eyes meet mine, I already know.
I rip off the buckles and hooks when I see a small sliver of paper tucked underneath the front of the saddle and Daeja’s neck. As I pull it out, a soft breeze carries strands of my hair across my face, and I frantically tuck it behind my ears as I unfold the letter.
Kat,
If this is the last time you ever hear from me, know this:
I love you.
Even when my heart stops beating, it’ll still always call your name. I trust in you, just as much as I hope you someday trust in me.
Cole
I crumble the note in my hand, a frustrated grunt ripping in my throat as I slide off Daeja.“It wasn’t a bad dream last night, was it?”It must have been her guilt. I whisper, holding up the letter as I face her,“How could you let him go?”
She blinks, slowly. “My first priority is always you.”
“And you didn’t think this would destroy me?”My voice wavers.“You lied to me!”
“He asked me not to tell you.”
“And since when do you listen to him?”
She ducks her head, avoiding my eye contact as her tail whips back and forth behind her.
I grab her chin to pull her attention back to me.“Listen to me, please! This is wrong, he shouldn’t have left.”
“What’s done is done.”
“How can you say that?”I nearly cry down our intimate bond.
