Page 194 of Of Blood and Banes
He still won’t turn to face me, his voice soft with resolve as he slips out of my grasp. “Then so be it.”
“How do you expect him to release your sisters? He won’t just let them go without the ring. Do you truly think he’s capable of negotiations?”
“I have to try.” He pushes open the door and exits.
I race after him, pulling my glove back over my hand. We descend the front steps into the street. “I know you’re scared, but you can’t make such a rash decision. We have to think this through, together!”
He continues on, his head low and pace steady. With a grunt, I jog past him and turn to face him head on. But he won’t stop, and I walk backward as I fight to get him to look me in the eyes.
“Look at me,” I whisper.
He still won’t. His eyes are on the cobblestone street, his hand white-knuckling the strap of his rucksack.
“I said look at me!” I roar.
He stops in his tracks, his body flinching like I’ve hit him.
I grab the front of his shoulder and take one step closer to look up at him. “You can’t go.”
He finally looks up at me, his amber eyes soft. “And why is that?”
It’s a simple question. One that should be easy to answer. And the look in his eyes is so legible it makes my knees tremble.
“Why? Because I still—” I choke, my heart racing like a rabbit for its life in my chest until pain wraps around it like a snake constricting it from breathing.
Love you. I still love you, even if it hurts. Even if at times it feels wrong, and I try to ignore it. Or distract myself from it. Even if it aches to admit it to myself—I love you, Cole, and I don’t want you to go.
But I can’t say the words. They won’t slip past my heart.
“...because I stillneedyou,” I finish, in a voice so quiet the rest of the pattering footsteps around us nearly drown it out.
His confidence wavers with the softening of his eyes, the slow sag of his shoulders. But then he squeezes his eyes shut, closing me off, and shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”
“No. No, you’re not.” I prod his chest with two fingers. “You’re scared, and you’re rushing into this. You’re not in this alone?—”
He presses a soft kiss to my forehead and slips past me again.
I seize his rucksack and yank him back, my voice cracking. “Don’t you fucking dare. Don’t you take one more step.”
He freezes, and I swallow against the constriction in my throat. Against the tears rising to the corners of my eyes. There’s no way the King will let him survive if he returns without the ring. And I know there’s no logic in sending him with it, even if there was any chance I could convince him to take it. “Please don’t make me beg you. Please…I just barely forgave you. Don’t give me another reason to hate you.”
His head dips. “Maybe it’s better if you do.”
“Look me in the eyes and fucking say that.” My voice wobbles, and a tear slides down my cheek.
He turns his head, and I shift in front of him again. But he proves me right—he still can’t look me in the eyes.
I bite down against my drowning terror and desperation. “If you love me as much as you say you do…give me this chance. Out of the two of us, you’ve always been the one to lead with logic. At least let us see what the others think. Maybe they can help us come up with a better plan than the two of us can on our own.”
He doesn’t respond, but he doesn’t move.
“You told me your word means nothing if it’s not for me…right?” My lips tremble. “In Arterias, you promised me we’d staytogether. And in Mossmead, you said you were always here for me. What changed?”
“Nothingeverchanges about me when it comes to you,” he whispers and looks up at me with eyes that tear into my soul. With a deep breath, he nods. “We’ll take it to others and let them weigh in.”
CHAPTER 61
WHEN THE DEAD REST
