Page 152 of Of Blood and Banes
A dam of numbness builds inside of my chest, walling off my heart and weighing down my body. Despite the suffocating exhaustion tearing at my every movement, I stare at the staircase until the sun peeks through the windows lining the grand dining hall, and Archie rests a hand on my shoulder.
“Kat…” he whispers, then shakes me gently when I don’t move. “Hey…we have to get going.”
Mechanically, I nod my head, still lost on that top step. Eventually, the rest of the group stands, stretching their bones after lying on the cold marble floors.
Daeja nuzzles my cheek.“A’nala says we must leave.”
“She’s…she’s still down there, somewhere.”
“I know you loved her…”she whispers.“Just as she loved you.”
Loved. Now it’s become past tense. And it was never a word I had even spoken to her. Somehow, I thought we’d always have the time. And yet…now it’s too late.
Too late to tell her. Too late to ask her if she knew.
Daeja burrows her snout beneath my bent knees, then nudges me up.“I am with you. And I love you. Come with me.”
Melaina steps in, offering her hand to help me up, and I shake my head, not able to handle her pitiful gaze. I stand on my own and brush my hair back out of my face, my eyes not wandering any higher than anyone’s knees. Because if one more godsdamned person looks me in the eye with that sad, mournful expression, it’s going to crack the dam I’m trying so hard to put up.
Now’s not the time to cry. Not the time to mourn.
We have to keep moving.
Slamming the wall down between me and my pain, I set the Blood Ring back into the groove on the throne and raise the room to the ground level once more. My heart slams painfully in my chest, knowing I’m closing the door to her.
We all leave the grand dining room and make our way throughout the castle grounds and courtyard. The birds chirp and water gurgles, the air heating in the sun’s rays. It all feels too light for the storm brewing inside of me. All the conversations between our group are muffled, and I focus on putting one foot in front of the other. As we join the rest of the group waiting on the opposite side of the bridge from the castle, everyone’s eyes fall on me. Cole brushes my arm affectionately, stealing my attention for a moment.
“I’m fine,” I say in a small voice.
He waits for me to mount Daeja and buckle in, then performs his ritual of checking every strap and restraint before patting Daeja’s side and tossing her a quick look.
She blinks at him before her voice rumbles in my head,“Ready?”
I nod, and even though she can’t possibly see it from this angle, she stalks forward and launches into the air.
CHAPTER 48
KATERINA BLACKWIND
Later that evening, Cole escorts me to the room designated for me in Everden. He lights the wall sconces, chasing away the darkness as I shrug off my satchel and toss it onto the bottle-covered desk, missing it by an inch.
Cole takes a step forward. “Here?—”
“No, no, I got it,” I mutter as I walk over to the desk and kneel.
Did the Vitalans seriously think I’m going to drink away my feelings? At least seven bottles of liquid are lined up on the desk, all different shapes and sizes. Bet Darian will have a field day with this one once Gavin returns with him from Everden’s bathhouse.
“Kat?” Cole asks gently, watching me from a distance, in case I might explode. Or implode. “We should talk about what happened last night.”
My pulse begins to pick up its pace, and a frenzy buzzes beneath my skin. I can’t quite pinpoint the sensation, but I know I have to keep moving before it catches up to me.
With one hand I hold open the bag and with the other I take the items that spilled and toss them back inside, one by one. All the items I’ve kept on me this entire time: a dagger, a flask,my father’s journal, a chunk of bread wrapped in paper, the metal bracelet Melaina gifted me, the empty dragon’s breath vial necklace, and…I freeze. Gloves.
Hergloves.
Cole takes a few steps toward me and pauses, the floor creaking under his boots. “...Kat?”
With a trembling hand, I slip my fingers under the leather gloves as if they’ll turn to ash in front of me, before cradling them to my aching chest. If I wore them, perhaps I could have held on to her longer. Perhaps she…perhaps she wouldn’t have…
