Page 35 of Of Blood and Banes
Because he loves me.Staring, I tilt my chin up toward him, my lips parting of their own accord, knowing what usually comes next. It feels as natural as anything. Wanting to kiss him. To touch him. Blushing at the overwhelming longing, I lick my lips and pull my head away before I give into temptation. Getting lost in his eyes swept away all the memories of why we aren’t kissing. Why I feel so distant from him. Why my heart screams inside of my chest like a caged animal, broken and bruised. He can always say the right things. And yet…it doesn’t matter. Not right now.
“I’m not scared,” I murmur finally.
Hurt isn’t scared. And the only thing I can possibly think of right now is how hurt I am. After all this time, he still cares. But it doesn’t change the fact he was engaged and refrained from telling me for several months. It also doesn’t change the fact I slept with Darian—something he still isn’t aware of. But as I look into his eyes, glassy with exhaustion, longing, and pain, I know I can’t tell him. Not right now, at least.
He drops his hand on the side of my face before clearing his throat. “I’m sorry, I…I shouldn’t have touched you. Habit, I suppose.”
I bite my lip and nod. “Listen, I want you to go back to your room, and get some sleep. We’ll discuss this tomorrow.”
When he hesitates, I sigh. “I’m serious. Trust that I can take care of myself. I’ll be fine. I’ll barricade the door with a dresser if it’ll make you feel any better.”
He snorts a laugh and looks down at his boots. “Okay…” He drags his eyes back up to mine and whispers once more, “Okay.”
I escort him out and watch him disappear down the road and behind a line of buildings as sadness tugs at my heart. In another reality, if he felt so worried about me, I would have invited him in and had him stay with me. Months ago, it was all I would have ever dreamed of. I still find myself fighting the knee-jerk reaction to be close to him.
A complex mix of emotions stirs in my heart, and before I linger too long on it, I slip back into my room. Locking the door, I then eye Darian’s sleeping figure off against the wall. After a few quiet moments, I stride over to the dresser and hook my fingers under its top lid. Pulling a solid breath into my lungs, I shove it forward, the feet screeching against the tiled floor.
Darian’s head whips up, his chains rustling as he pulls himself up to sit and scan the room wildly. “What the fuck are you doing?”
I push again, ignoring him, and the feet scrape against the ground.
Darian rubs a sleepy eye with the heel of his hand. “Are you seriously rearranging furniture in the middle of the night? Have you lost your fucking mind?”
My response comes out in huffs as I scoot the dresser closer to the door, “Just…go back…to…sleep.”
He snorts. “How am I supposed to sleep with all your panting?”
I ignore him, sliding the dresser only another inch closer to the door.What kind of wood is this shit made out of?
He snickers, “Looks like you need a big, strong man?—”
“I need no one,” I grit out, not bothering to look his way.
“I know just the guy—come over here, set me free, and I’ll help you.” His voice is edged with mischief.
“Unlikely,” I grunt.
“Wait…” He laughs, realizing my intention. “You’re scared, aren’t you?”
I finally shove one last time, sliding the dresser right in front of the door. Wiping my sore hands against each other, I turn to face Darian. “No, I’m not.”
He snickers. “Don’t worry, darling. I’ll be sure to protect you from all the scaries out there.”
I slide back under my sheets, back to him and not bothering to look his way as I grumble, “Can’t imagine you’d be able to do much without your hands.”
“Oh, kitten. If you could only see the things I could do without my hands.”
I don’t respond. Shuffling deeper into my warm sheets, I close my eyes. Thankfully, he has the decency to not carry our conversation further. Silence settles around the room, and the more the seconds tick by, the more my fear of recurring nightmares creeps in. Not to mention, the ridicule from Darian if I wake up in a cold sweat, hyperventilating. But as I edge closer to sleep, nearly falling into the void, a noise rips me out of my doze.
Clink.
I grab the pillow’s edges and pull it over my ears to block out the sound before relaxing back into the mattress.
Clink.
My eyes flash open.
Clink, clink, clink.
