Page 21 of Of Blood and Banes
“Go,” he breathes as my grip on him loosens, and the river sucks him in.
“No!”I scream, jolting forward but missing his fingertips by an inch.
He disappears under the roaring white waves and is swept into oblivion.
“Aiden!”I scream as I race downstream, scanning the surface of the river.“Aiden!”
I spot something dark clinging to a fallen tree, its gnarled branches reaching out into the water like angry claws. Running as fast and hard as my little feet can go, I slip and slide on thewet grass, slowing every stride. Hope rises in my chest the closer I get. Aiden’s cloak is caught on a branch.
It’s him. It has to be.
Ignoring the roaring water swinging the tree back and forth, I crawl over the trunk to get closer. I grab a handful of the fabric caught on the branch and sink my other hand into the river, its icy water biting into my skin. I seize another fistful of fabric beneath the surface and pull up with all my might.
It comes free. Easily. I stare at the freezing, soaked heap of fabric in my hands. But no Aiden. My heart shatters into pieces as fine as dust, and my own voice—new and old—echoes in my head.
Hold on.
CHAPTER 7
NIGHTMARES ARE DREAMS
Isnap awake, jolting forward off Daeja with a speed that makes me almost dizzy. The river in front of us is the first thing I see when I open my eyes, the moonlight glittering off the surface in scattered waves. Its soft, lazy lull is far from comforting.
Instead, it’s a quiet reminder.
I lean forward and rest my forehead against my bent knees, wrapping my arms around my legs. My shoulders quake as I’m consumed by heartache all over again, the memories racing inside my mind at a blinding speed.
Hold on…
Daeja stirs and bumps her nose into my side, her exhalations warming me.“I’m here.”
I unfurl slowly and lean my head against her, my breath a rapid drum. Staring at the water blankly, my tears slow as numbness spreads throughout my chest. No matter how much time passes, and no matter how hard I try, the last memory of my brother still crushes me. Every time the memory resurfaces, I’m caught on thewhat ifs. What if I’d stopped running like he asked? What if the grass wasn’t slick and the river’s currents were peaceful? What if I had been strong enough to pull himout? The fruitless possibilities swarm me, as they always do, even when I bat them away.
Daeja nuzzles into me.“It wasn’t your fault.”
“But itfeltlike my fault then. And itstillfeels like my fault?—”
“Stop. If you keep beating yourself up about it, you’ll never be able to move on.”
“How can I move on? I don’t know how. And what if…what if I don’t want to move on?”
“Just because you move on, doesn’t mean you don’t love him. It doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.”
I glance up at her and scratch under her chin, murmuring aloud, “How did you become so insightful?”
She blows a breath of hot steam in my face, the air brushing all the strands back from my face.“Become? You wound me so. Haven’t I always been?”
The laugh in my chest breaks up the vice grip around my heart, shaking away the pain as a landslide sheds stone from a cliffside.“Thank you.”
Her pleased rumble reverberates in her black scales underneath my palm. My gaze lowers from my fingers to the bracelet Melaina gave me. The one she received from Celeste. I lock in on the words carved into the thin metal band and, though they are too small to see without holding it a few inches from my face, the words shine in my mind.
You can go through it or grow through it.
Daeja interrupts my distant staring by nudging between my head and neck.“Go back with the others. I imagine sleeping on a nice, plush bed is much more comfortable than the ground.”
“Is this your subtle way of asking for a mattress?”
“No…”Her pupils narrow to slits, and she glances at me sideways.“…maybe.”
