Page 156 of Of Blood and Banes
I jolt my attention up to him, meeting his gaze. “What?”
“Marge…” He clears his throat, before swallowing. “Did she suffer? Was it quick?”
My heart flinches inside my chest. Marge said she had known Darian since he was a boy, just as Sethan had. But her soft spot for him was apparent through her half-hearted scolding toward him and her discreet defense of him when he wasn’t in the room. I figured he would have heard by now what exactly happened and how she died.
I shake my head and return my attention to removing his second manacle. “She wasn’t even scared. She saved us—me—without hesitation.”
The second shackle clicks as I release it, and I take the restraints and gently toss them to the floor. “We were running from the Stone Gods. I tried dragging her with me across the bridge. But we weren’t fast enough. So, she sliced through the bridge and?—”
Emotion chokes my throat as roughly as any hand, and I stare down at the shackles on the floor as I slide the key back into my brassiere. His chains are reminiscent of those back near the bridge. The same ones Marge used to save me. I bite my lip to quell my trembling chin, and a hand brushes the side of my arm.
When I look up at Darian, tears blur the edges of my vision. His expression is deadly serious, and he nods, slowly. The silence between us is filled with a heavy understanding.
She died for me.
But I can’t stare into his eyes for too long, so I look away and swipe a stray tear off my cheek. He drops his hand from my arm.
“Why did you tell Gavin to leave me here with you?” he whispers, diverting the conversation.
“What kind of question is that?”
“Why? Is it hard for you to answer it?”
That gains him a teary-eyed glare. But with each slow pounding of my heart, bits of my composure crumble like a wall. “Because Marge would have wanted me to.”
“That’s not it. I’m going to ask you again. Why did you want me to stay?”
I fight against the next swell. But even as I clench my teeth, I can’t brace against it. Instead, it slams against my chest and spills out the cracks of my heart. “Because I don’t want to be alone, okay? Is that what you want to hear?” I manage to get out through a tight throat, but each word slips into a deeper sadness. And as another tear rips free from my eyes, hot and wet against my skin, it splits open the dam I’ve built up over the last several hours. I take a half-step back from him and begin to cry.
He grabs me by my arms and walks me back to the bed until I sit on the edge.
Resting my elbows on my knees, I hide my face in my hands. And I can’t stop now. I’m a sniffling, babbling mess. “I’m so fucking sick of having to say goodbye to people I love. My family. My friends. I feel like…nothing ever works out for me. As soon as I’m close enough to someone, they die. So, I don’t want to be alone. Not tonight. Because sitting with myself, thinking of all the people who have died because I couldn’t save them—because it was my fault—will destroy me.”
I slip my hands from my face and find Darian on one knee in front of me, his hand resting on the side of my thigh.
He shakes his head and whispers, “I’m not the one for this.”
“I know you’re not. But can you just pretend? Even if it’s only for one night?” My voice cracks into desperation. Borderline mania. “Please. Please, Darian. Don’t leave me alone. Even if you have to be a dick. Even if you have to piss me off to make me feelsomething other than this emptiness. This loneliness. Please just spare me from being alone with myself.”
He sucks in a breath and holds my gaze for a long moment. Then he gets up and walks away, and I sink back onto my hands. But it’s not long until I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look up to see Darian biting the cork off a bottle of liquor, spitting it out to the side, then he offers it to me.
“Forever was never meant for people,” he whispers. “It was meant for memories.”
I drag my gaze off him and take the bottle. A quick sniff of it and the hollow pit in my stomach coils. Shaking my head, I hand it back to him. Without exchanging another word, I change into my nightwear and slide into bed. My back is to Darian, but I hear him drag the chair out from the desk and take quiet swish after swish of liquor until I fall asleep.
I dream of a knock at the door, and when I go to open it, ready for a late night training session with Marge, nobody’s there. Every time I wake from it, tears wet my cheeks. I close my eyes. As soon as I slip back into sleep, I relive the dream. Over and over again.
The next morning, I wake to find Darian’s face resting on the pillow wall between us, his eyes closed and breathing steady. Quietly, I lean up out of bed and glimpse two bottles of liquor on the desk, completely empty. Glancing back down to Darian, one hand is fisted in one of the pillows, with his other arm slipped underneath the one I had been lying on.
I slide out of bed, careful to not disturb him, and begin to braid my hair back out of my face. Once I’ve finished, I changeinto my leathers and cloak. I stare long and hard at Marge’s gloves on the desk.
“And if you only listen to one thing I ask of you…”her voice echoes around me in a distant memory from when she gave them to me in Midkeep.“Keep these on at all times.”
As a single tear races down my cheek, I wipe it away and grab them. Finger by finger, I tug them onto my hand.
While I step into my boots and begin to lace them, a knock sounds at the door. Whipping toward Darian, his eyes flash open, and he shoots to his feet. I clear the space between us and lock him back into the shackles and lead him to the chained wall.
“Just a minute!” I call.
