Page 36 of Beyond the Winter Kingdom
I smiled bitterly. “A year old.” Young enough that I didn’t remember the man he was before the incident. It was both a blessing and a curse on its own.
“You were just a baby,” Meera murmured. Her eyes watered with sympathy for me, and my chest tightened uncomfortably.
“You don’t need to feel bad for me,” I said, clearing my throat to push down emotion. “I knew my father as the mad king, nothing more, nothing less. It was my mother, brother, and sister that held out hope for him. For a cure. They loved him, even when he killed them.”
Her lips parted. The watery sheen in her eyes overflowed. Silent tears fell down her cheeks. “That’s heartbreaking. I don’t know what to say.”
I shrugged. “He might have been good once. I wouldn’t know. What I do know is that they protected him when they shouldn’thave. When he was too far gone. I was angry with all of them for a long time after they died because of it. I couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t act against him when he was so obviously insane.” I stared at nothing, my vision drifting to a blurred background, seeing a time that came and went decades ago. “I think I understand their mindset now, for what it’s worth. Not that it saved any of them in the end.”
Meera wiped at her tears with the back of her hand and palm.
“I get it, Vareck. I really, truly do. What you saw—gods—what you experienced would be enough to create an immense fear and an immeasurable void in anyone, no matter who they are. I’m sorry you had to go through that, and I’m happy you told me because it helps me understand, but we need to set one thing straight right now.” Meera crossed her arms and lifted her chin. “You can’t compel me, even to ‘save’ me. What if you had died and I couldn’t break through your persuasion? What if I couldn’t help you? Did you think about that?”
My throat closed in on itself.Yes, I wanted to tell her.I think about it every fucking second we’re in this godsforsaken realm. That something will happen to me and I won’t be there to protect you.
But that’s not what she wanted to hear, and I wasn’t going to lie to her.
“Yes, I have thought about it,” I said finally, the words heavy with my quiet truth. “But when faced with two impossible choices, I asked myself which one I could live with. Your anger at being compelled and my possible death, or you losing your mind? It’s not even a question. I would pick your sanity every single time.”
Meera looked away, her jaw clenched. “It’s not your choice to make. That’s the point I’m getting at.”
“I know,” I admitted, voice low. “But you didn’t understand the consequences yet. I should have told you sooner. I’m sorry I didn’t, and that I took your will from you because of it.”
“You already said you’re not sorry you did it. Which one is it?”
“Both. I’m not trying to own your decisions, Meera. But Iamtrying to keep you alive long enough to be mad at me for them.”
“That’s not fair,” she whispered, finally meeting my gaze. “You think it’s noble, what you’re doing. Sacrificing yourself to protect me. But it’s selfish.”
I blinked, taken aback. “Selfish?”
“You don’t get to shoulder the world and then die on that hill without considering what it would do to the people left behind,” she snapped. Her voice cracked at the end, revealing the rawness beneath the anger. “To me.”
I exhaled slowly. “You’re right.”
She tilted her head. “What?”
“You’re right,” I repeated, a bit louder. “What was that phrase you told me about? I’ve spent so long having to carry my own fridge, I forgot how to let someone carry it with me.”
Meera blinked rapidly, emotions flashing across her face too fast to catch. She almost smiled.
“I hate that you compelled me,” she whispered.
“I know.”
“I understand your reasoning, but it’s not enough for me to tell you it was okay. Don’t do it again.”
I lowered my head in a partial agreement. “Only if you promise not to throw yourself in front of the next pack of flesh-eating revenants we meet.”
She glanced at my side, seeing it had healed. “I make no promises.”
I groaned, starting to take the remains of the shredded shirt off my body. “Gods help me.”
“I’m pretty sure we’re beyond their help.” She jerked her chin toward the forest edge. “We should go. That fight probably drew attention. You can get cleaned up at the pool before we head out.”
I nodded. “You want to lead, or should I?”
She glanced at the trees, then back at me with a smirk. “You’re the one who shredded your shirt mid-rampage. Pretty sure if anyone sees us coming, they’ll assume you’re the monster and I’m your hostage.”
