Page 97 of Steinbeck
“You’re thinking like a person who’s been wearing a disguise for so long, you don’t recognize who you truly are.”
She wanted to roll her eyes.“And who is that, Nim?”
Nim’s voice softened.“Emberly.The girl who asked Jesus to save her.To adopt her.The girl who still wants someone to love her and doesn’t realize that love is alreadyright here.”
Emberly stilled.“No, that’s...”
“Truth.I remember the day you went forward in that tent meeting.You were changed.You’d always been this tough little thing, and suddenly, I don’t know.You laughed.And hoped.Fear seemed to fall off you.I wasn’t the only one who saw it.Remember, Anna made you a cake?”
“Like it was my birthday.”
“Itwasyour birthday, Em.You were reborn that day.”
She drew up her knees.“Yeah, well, it didn’t take.It only took two months for me to run away.”
“Because you let yourself believe the voices in your head that say you are a thief.And broken.And unlovable.But love says something different.It says you’re wanted.And valuable.And important.And that you belong.”
From beyond her closed door, light filtered in, and voices lifted in the hallway of the penthouse.She walked to the mirror and stared at her reflection in the darkness, her wig off, her hair short and mussed, trying too hard in her silly silky dress.
“How long are you going to listen to the lies, Emberly?How long are you going to let your pride tell you that you are better off alone?”
Her eyes filled.
“And if you’re wondering, God is love, so...feel free to substitute—Godsays you’re wanted.And valuable.And important.And that you belong.He looks at you and says, ‘That’s Emberly, whom I love.’And since God loves you, you are safe.And most important, you’re not alone.You never have been.”
And just like that, Stein’s words rocked through her.“You didn’t care.You went after Tomas on your own, not even a second to think ‘Hey, I have backup.’Me.You had me.”
“I’m an idiot.”
“Sometimes.But an idiot who is loved.”
“Thanks for that.”
“Listen.There is the intoxicating smell of cinnamon rising from the kitchen.I think I have an intruder.”
“Wish I were there.”
A beat.“I wish you were here too, Em.Not because of the rolls, but because Stein is a good man, and with him I heard you laugh.And saw you hope.I sawyouagain.By the way, I talked with Stein’s brother Jack, and he thinks I need to buy a camper.”
“A what?”
“Go fix this, Emberly.The man is crazy about you.Be brave.After all, you are a Black Swan.Unique.Beautiful.Unexpected.I’m going to find some nourishment.I have a long night ahead.Don’t let me down—I need these people in my life.Love you.”She hung up.
Emberly stared at herself.Great, now even the scant makeup she’d worn burned down her cheeks.She wiped her face with her hands and got up.
Walked to the window.Emberly, the one Jesus—she closed her eyes—loves.
She pressed her hand to the window, drew it away, and watched her handprint disappear.
And deep in her memory, the swell of a hymn stirred inside her.“Amazing love!how can it be that Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?”
Amazing love.
Outside, a million tiny lights burned.“You’re not alone.You never have been.”
Suddenly, the immutable sense of beingseenrushed over her.She stepped back, shaking.
Seen.Known.And yes?—
