Page 18 of The Awakening
My buttons weren’t the only thing popping, though. Ellie’s eyes were as wide as ever as she stared at my chest. Washboard or not, her expression told me she was impressed.
She perused my body, taking in every inch of bare skin I’d put on display, until she met my gaze. I couldn’t take it anymore. I leaned over her on the bed, my arms on either side of her, caging her in, my face only inches from hers. My mouth centimeters from her soft, kissable lips.
“Ellie.” I kept my voice low. “Give me permission to touch you this once, and I promise you won’t regret it.”
She shook her head.
Damn. I thought I had her. I fell back, resigned for the moment. “Can’t say I didn’t try.”
“We need to talk.”
Chapter Eleven
Ellie
Acold sweat broke out across my brow. Confrontation and I were not friends. It was the reason I’d run from my family instead of standing up for myself.
“I know you had to get married before you turned forty, or you would cost your family the ranch.” Crossing my arms over my chest allowed me a little extra space from his body. The smooth skin of chest was distracting, and I needed the distance to have this conversation.
“Who told you that?” He spat.
“Kate.” My resolve for this battle was waning. But I thought back to the revelation from my sister-in-law. He hadn’t trusted me with this bit of information, and that made me wonder what else he was holding back. I wanted him. I really did. It had taken every ounce of self-control I had to turn down his advance. But I knew that if we were going to cross that divide, we had to get to know one another. It would be too easy for us to get caught if we didn’t flush out the details and be completely transparent with each other.
I had bared my soul to Gavin, and I’d told him the absolute truth before I let him marry me, but the same couldn’t be said for him, and it hurt. He had every opportunity to mention it, but he’d chosen to let me marry him, unaware of the implications.
“She needs to learn to keep her mouth shut. What else did she tell you?” Gavin took a step back from me.
I’d expected his response to be something along the lines of “I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how,” not the hostility that was emanating from him now.
“Nothing,” I looked at my hands, clasped tightly in my lap.
“Well, now you know. Don’t read too much into it. No matter what, I wouldn’t have let Adam take the ranch. Yes, you solved the problem, but it’s not something you need to concern yourself with.”
“What were you going to do? Buy him out? Rumor around the mountain has it you most of your money from the business is gone or tied up in legal fees from the embezzlement charges.” I lifted my eyebrows, feeling brave. I might not have walked into this marriage with all the knowledge I had now, but I was going to make him talk to me.
One couldn’t always trust the gossip heard around the mountain, but I was his wife now, and I needed the truth so I’d be equipped to handle any questions I might encounter
“You know nothing about me or my situation, Elyse.”
“That’s the point. I’m trying to get to know you better. I’ve told you everything, and I expected the same from you.”
“No, you’ve told me only what benefits your situation. What benefit is there for me if I open up to you about mine? We’ve known each other two days. Two days. It’s my family that stands to lose out if things go south. I’m sorry if me mitigating damage means I’m not emotionally fulfilling whatever little fantasy scenario you’re imagining exists between us.”
“Imagining? I’m imagining it? You just tried to seduce me, Gavin.”
He ran his hand through his hair and huffed. “Look, I know you’ve been sheltered your whole life, but in my world—he real world—sex is just that. Sex. Sometimes it means something more, and other times, it doesn’t.”
I hadn’t been imagining the way he looked at me. I was sure of it. Downstairs he had to pretend, but up here, the way he looked at me was real. “So, which is it this time?”
He opened his mouth to reply, only to be interrupted by a knock followed by Sandra’s voice through the door. “Gavin, honey, I need a hand downstairs.”
Gavin stood from the bed. “Supper will be ready soon. Make yourself presentable.” He turned and left the room, clicking the door closed behind him.
I didn’t want to move from the bed. His words left me feeling stripped bare. My nose stung, signally the tears that would soon fall, and I didn’t want Gavin to see me when they did. He’d made me feel small and silly, and the last thing I needed was for him to see me in this moment of weakness. The tears welling in my eyes may have been about him, but if our conversation was any indication, they weren’t for him. I walked to the bathroom, stopping to run my fingers over the splintered door frame before I entered the room and took a seat on the edge of the tub and studied the floor where I’d been lying when Gavin picked me up and cradled me in his arms.
His hands had been gentle and caring when he’d bundled me in the blanket. His face had shown concern for the baby. For one brief moment, it had felt like we were really a family.How could he imply that none of that meant anything? I might have been naive, but I wasn’t stupid. I knew well enough to know when a guy was looking at me some kind of way. But maybe he’d doneus a favor. He was keeping his boundaries in place in this fake marriage, and I needed to do the same.
The decision was necessary but left feeling isolated. Wrapping my arms around myself, I finally let the tears fall. They weren’t just for Gavin. They were for the life I hadn’t taken the time to grieve, the life I left behind. Maybe it would have been easier to live as a shunned woman. At least I would have been at home where life was familiar. I could have found friends and a place to live not far from where I’d grown up. But I could do that here too. I just had to stop myself from getting too caught up in Gavin’s world and the fantasy that it might someday be mine too.
