Page 86 of Cruel Debts
"I'm—I'm afraid of heights." Her eyes cut to the cliff again, and she shrank back and shivered. "I think I'm going to be sick. Or maybe pass out."
"You're not going to pass out," I told her, my resolve leaking out to comfort her. "I'll keep you safe, and we'll go back down where you feel safe."
"I can't move," she admitted, her knees buckling. "Asher, I'm?—"
"You're scared. It's okay," I said, hating the patronizing tone I found myself using with her. "Just breathe. Relax."
I've got her. She won't get hurt. I'd keep her safe.
She turned to hyperventilating, which, while it was technically breathing, it wasn't successful breathing. And I wanted her to change that. "Trinity?" She needed to calm down. I needed to get her out of here. "Why don't you get on my back and close your eyes, and I'll take you back down?"
Her weak laughter was less humorous and more self-pitying and embarrassed. "Just leave me up here to die, Asher. It's fine. That'll solve all your problems."
"You're being ridiculous." In seconds, I had her in my arms, and she was clinging to me like a koala, her arms and legs wrapped around my torso like a human backpack. Thankfully, shifting her to my back was easy. Holding her there was easy.
Convincing her to loosen her grip wasn't so easy, though, and if she didn't, she wouldn't be the only one here passing out from lack of oxygen to the brain.
"Trinity, Pretty Bird, I need air. If I can't breathe, I can't walk. And then we're both dying up here on this hill."
She reluctantly loosened her grip, though she tightened the grip her legs had on my waist. I was fine with that. Especially since she couldn't see the stiffy it caused.
"Is that enough? Am I still strangling you?"
My hair flopped in my face as I shook my head no. "You're fine now. Just keep an eye on your hands, okay? Last thing I need is to fight off a chokehold while I'm scaling a cliff."
"I'm sorry, scaling a cliff?" Her voice was a squeak now, and I had to bite back a chuckle. "You're going to scale a cliff with me on your back?"
"No, no, there's a set of stairs I'll take down," I told her, which seemed to relieve her anxiety for the time being. "Just hold on and don't look if the heights scare you, okay?"
"Sure, I'll get right on that." She did as I told her, though, for which I was endlessly glad for.
It meant a quick trip down the side of the mountain, until finally, when we leveled back out where the cars were, she grew brave enough to lift her head and look around.
"We're already down?" Her eyes were huge, and she slipped off my back, though I really didn't mind her there. It was like being back at basic training, putting weights in our bags to run the morning mile. Except she felt good against my skin.
"Already down." My eyes scan her body appreciateively, and I hate that I feel this lecherous about her. I hate that I've broken my promise to Keehn to protect her. And I don't hate it, at the same time. But what does it say about me as a person that I'm so eager to break the code of honor, the pact I made with a blood brother, all for my own gain?
Was I not a trained and lethal killing machine? Had I not been basically discharged as a dangerous person of interest when the military found out what I'd done in those POW camps?
How could those count as war crimes, if they deserved it?
But on the same end of that branch, how could I bear to taint such an innocent woman with my dark aura?
"Asher?"
I blinked back the mental vacation and sighed. "How long have you been afraid of heights, Pretty Bird?"
She shrugged, frowning down at the ground. "It's not a new thing, but I don't remember the first time it happened."
"You know," I said, leaning against the back of the car, "we're all afraid of something."
"Even you?" She glanced up at me like the thought was unfathomable to her.
"Even me," I agreed, though revealing that side of myself felt weird. "But the difference is, my fears aren't tangible. I can't solve my fears by facing them. Yours is physical. It exists in a manner that you can tackle. Overcome, if you want."
"How do you overcome a fear?"
"You face it. Head-on. With determination and sheer willpower."
