Page 76 of Cruel Debts
"Not you," she remarked, and I stopped then, staring at her blankly.
Because she was right.
I didn't change. I never altered my schedule or adjusted things for anyone if it didn't absolutely need done. I certainly didn't break my own routine just because I could.
I liked things just the way they were.
"Even me," I finally grunted, quieter than anything else I'd said today. "Even me."
"Fine, then, keep your secrets." She'd figure them out if she really wanted to. She always did. "Where's the ward you're watching out for?"
"Upstairs," I snarled, gritting my teeth.In my apartment without me."With the others."Fucking one of my best friends."Doing who knows what."
"Why aren't you up there with them?"
I grabbed hold of the bag and stared around it at her. "Listen, Lilly. If you're here to badger me or something, I'm not going to bite. I'm not interested in making small talk. So if that's what you're after, then you're wasting your time. I'm here to beat the shit out of this punching bag until I can't feel my hands and then leave."
"Interesting," she mused, walking around me with those too-knowing eyes. She was too perceptive, too nosy. I hated it.
When she left the room without a word, it unnerved me. My hits on the bag were sharper, more concentrated, more forceful. I used the technique she suggested, hating how well it worked.
"Fucking women," I spat to the empty room, wishing just once that things could fucking go my way. That just this time, the job could be easy, uncomplicated, no strings attached.
No. Of course it couldn't. And the biggest string I'd ever gotten tangled with was wrapped all the way around this job, and the next, and the one after that.
Trinity McCoy.
And if we didn't get it untangled with our strings soon, we'd be stuck like this forever.
And I'd be stuck listening to her and Asher rut like animals every night. I'd be stuck with her underfoot. I'd be stuck warring with my own self-interest and my loyalty. My promise to a man I'd left for dead without looking back.
A man whose sister I didn't deserve to even think about, let alone have.
Be realistic,my mind said.Be honest.But the two weren't mutually exclusive.
If I were honest, I knew what I wanted. I wanted to bend Trinity's disobedient, mouthy ass over my knee and swat her until she begged to be let go. Until she was dripping with need. Until she begged me to fuck her and put her in her place. I wanted to shove my fingers in her mouth and make her suck her own arousal off them. I wanted to feed her my cock and fuck her face until she cried. I wanted to break her of her bratty ways and show her how good it could feel to submit to someone with more power than yourself.
But if I were realistic, I couldn't do any of that. If I were true to my reality and hers, then the only outcome here was to keep my hands off her until she was safe and then send her far, far away from me. To stay in my lane and keep her in hers.
So what was I supposed to do? Should I satisfy myself? Or satisfy the reality of things? Could I live with myself if I ruined her and her perfect little future life?
What would her brother think if he were still here with us?
He'd kick your ass.
But Keehn's not here. Trinity is.
And right there was the problem.
I punched the bag so hard this time that the damn leather split, and sand poured out of it, all over the floor and my shoes.
Great. Now I owed St. Clair another punching bag, too.
I stormed over to the garbage can and started to clean up the mess with my hands. I needed a little reprieve playing in a makeshift zen garden to chill the fuck out.
I wasn't solving any of my problems worked up like this.
THIRTY-TWO
